how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

i think that's fair, OTM. i do want to know how he can hurt so much and still keep his distance, i guess. he did text me this morning and just again say he hoped the dog and i had everything we needed.

i don't know if he feels the R is toxic, but he has said he feels chipped away at, since in the 5 years that we've been together, he's never able to "keep" me happy, but i also know he susbscribes to the man way of thinking that once a woman feels assured in her love, that she'll always feel that way. i know he got tired of assuring me over the years, but i think most women operate in that cycle of needing to know they are loved.

H has said to me a few times that he'd rather do this now than in 5 years or more and have to deal with custody of children. but what guarantee does he have that neither of this would be dealing with this 5 or 10 years down the road with someone else? just because we split up and remarried wouldn't mean we'd be any safer from D than we are now. at least IMO. and he's already HAD a MLC, or at least i feel like that's what he went through in 2008 when he wanted to split.

i do continue to work on me and thanks, HHH, for your input. i know that sooner or later, my "distractions" will become the norm for me and i won't feel as lonely or sad. i am not giving up my hope, but it gets harder to hold on to every day. it just seems like 2 people who love each other would be able to work things out like grown ups instead of running from their problems and refusing to work them out.