My daughter had her usual cadre of friends over to revel in the Super Bowl, both the game and commercials. One of the girls spent the night. Nice time, nice group of girls... they call me Mama Gypsy.. like my own lil girlies.
Around 2 AM my daughter woke me up saying that she heard some heavy thumps and that our aging pooch was hyperventilating. I checked to see if my oldest son was home since he wasn't sure if he'd be coming home tonight or staying at his girlfriend's. No son.
We went downstairs to the den where the girls and Tiggy were sleeping. She was breathing heavily, refused water. I pulled her on her dog bed to another room so we wouldn't disturb my daughter's friend. Just heavy breathing, difficult by the movements of her body. Luckily I was able to give her a painkiller and a sedative that was prescribed for her bad knees and fear of thunderstorms.
My daughter and I petted her, I tried some Reiki, we were just close. I called the boys on their cellphones to let them know that Tiggy wasn't doing well. I had the weird thought that if they were awake they'd want to say hi/bye to her.
We ended up pulling up mats to sleep by Tiggy, creating a comfort zone. We both had eye contact with her. I dimmed the lights, even sang little songs while stroking her body, playing with her soft soft velvet ears... cognizant that she was probably dying but not going there. Just wanted to be there, be close to her. My daughter's face would pull up in tears, holding in the sorrow.
Eventually we slept near Tiggy.. my daughter parallel to her body her arm outstretched and petting her.. me perpendicular to our sweet dog's head. Tiggy's breathing was labored but she was able to get comfortable. I must have snoozed for a bit because I woke up to her face nuzzled against mine, her breathing changing.. softer yet with a quiet goodbye.
It was 4:30 AM. I stroked her back, caressed her cheek, listening, massaged those ears, believing but not believing what was happening. My daughter started to have a very gentle quiet snore and Tiggy had a deeper breath. Tiggy's head moved down, and gulped air. Each gulp a greater distance apart.
I was there.. in the moment, next to her. I knew that today was the day she would die, either naturally or assisted. A few minutes later, all was quiet. And I stroked her, remembered all those moments flashing by... how she'd always push my daughter out of the way so she could get to my husband first... my daughter was almost three at the time. How she'd bark protectively if she thought I was roughhousing too much with the kids, how they would playfully chase each other in a perpetual circle in our family room. She was a natural nanny and would make circuits of the house checking on all the children in various areas.
As I kept petting her all different thoughts bumping and colliding in my mind. My little sweetie pain in the ass.. gone. First the marriage, now the dog and next the house to be gone. I never could imagine Tiggy living any place but here. Wanting to write about it... So many emotions came out at Christmas when she was so ill. I just wanted her to be comfortable, know she was loved. I even gave her paw massages which seemed to calm her.
Her sweet head is covered with a blanket. It's too dark to tell if she poo'ed.. though there is a potentially slight odor. I'm going to call the girl's mom in a few minutes. She's very sensitive and I don't know how she'll react to Tiggy's death.. her dead body.
I thought of my Dad, remembering the difficulty he had breathing near the end. I just hoped what we did helped her.
Oh Gypsy, If I can type with tears running down my face! I am so sorry,but so envious in away. My old fella is already on borrowed time and I know that day is coming,but if it can be at home like Tiggy I will be happy through my sadness. I too lost my H then my home and then my v elderly cat whome I had hand reared from days old. My dog has literally been a life saver to me and when he goes-well I can't think of that. I am sure your dog will live on in your hearts and memories for ever. He was truly loved and you will always know you made his passing so much easier. I hope I will be able to do the same. ((((()))))
((Gyps)) I'm feeling a bit more rested now, and wanted you to know that I am praying for you, and yours, this morning. I trust you have everything you need, and not a lot of what you want. IMHO, It's always been a two-way street. Feel free to call, I'd give anything to hear your voice today.
God, thank you for the gift of your humble servant, Tilly. Let the people who cared about Tilly cry tears of joy for her wonderful life. All life has meaning, Abba. Your will, not ours, be done. Please send angels today and every day, to watch over GypsyMama, and her loved ones. Remind her of your abundant Power. Sitting here in a giant purple puddle, in your Son's Name, Amen. p.s. Thanks for helping New Orleans win.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
