So last night when my H called me we sat and chatted about everything and nothing for about 45 minutes. And afterward I at first felt a little dumb. I'm supposed to be "too busy" to linger on the phone for nonessential chitchat. But then I got to thinking more. And the thing is, we both enjoyed the conversation; nothing wrong there. And I'm hoping now it will be even less satisfying to him when I do cut the conversations short. It will make him want that extra time. And maybe when he gets home he'll start seeking out time to engage me.
Also, I have been super busy unpacking and putting things away. I did decide to hang all the pictures, even the ones of my H and me together. Ugh...I do not feel satisfied with how heavy I am in them. But I am changing that as we speak. 5 pound down, and five to go before the 22nd! But I think that the absence of those pictures would have been more obvious than having them up. It would have said, "I am too hurt by what you are doing to bear seeing our happier times." I am stronger than that. He may want to rewrite our marriage history, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten the truth. And if doesn't like seeing them, too bad. It's my house too and I will decorate however I want.
Yesterday it occurred to me that I spend a lot of time alone with three very small children. If I got seriously hurt it might be days before anyone noticed. I don't know very many people here, and none of them are close personal friends. And my family and important friends wouldn't really think anything of me not answering the phone for a day or two. So yesterday I taught S4 how to call 911 and what to say. He was really fantastic. I have heard of very small children saving their parents' lives. I hope he never has to use that knowledge, but I feel better knowing he has it. And he really liked the idea that if I get hurt he can be my super hero.
I am trying to get an online writing gig - you'd be amazed what people are willing to pay for resumes, press releases, copywriters, and proofreaders. That way I could stay home with the boys and still make a good income. Plus, I am finally going to get a party for my other business! I feel like I've been out of the game for way too long! Apathy starts to set in and you begin to consider leaving the biz altogether. I love my work.
I have been feeling ill for the last several days, so if any of you out there who are men/women of faith I never turn down prayers. That probably sounds weird from a non-believer, but hey, you believe in Him and maybe that's what really counts.
I felt a great sense of accomplishment too, last night. I packed up a huge box and two or three trash bags full of clothes and general "stuff" to go to a mission or secondhand store. it feels good not only to help others, but to get rid of some clutter! Bleh, seems like it accumulates so fast!
OK, sorry for the ramble. But I think we need to share our good days as well as our bad ones. We so often come on here to be lifted up, and that's fine. But let's also tell our supporters when we're up, when we're doing well! And maybe I just really need adults to talk to! I love my kids, but the conversation is somewhat limited.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
5 pound down, and five to go before the 22nd! But I think that the absence of those pictures would have been more obvious than having them up. It would have said, "I am too hurt by what you are doing to bear seeing our happier times." I am stronger than that. He may want to rewrite our marriage history, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten the truth. And if doesn't like seeing them, too bad. It's my house too and I will decorate however I want.