Not really piecing and trying not to jinx it, but

[Freckle6]

Hi Flowmom. I'm glad my sitch gave you a little mental boost.

I don't know if I did anything "right" early on or through all of this that actually helped, but I do believe there were critical things that I didn't do wrong. I bit my tongue a lot on how I felt about him at various times (jerkface, @sshat, etc.). LOL

We never "fought" really. I disagreed with him about things over the years, but was consciously non-argumentative even when he tried to bait me. I think he was surprised I never got psycho or vindictive or any of that, though inside I was tempted many times. Basically, I don't regret any thing I've said or done all the time since the bomb. I tried to take the high road.

I didn't bad mouth him to my family or real life friends (to this day they know very little about what's happened). Part of it was I was mortified this was happening to me, but another part was that I didn't want to make it hard for him to return by him knowing I turned all these people against him.

My H wavered back and forth a lot in the first couple of years. I never turned him away and reiterated at those times that I understood the things that went wrong and fully thought it was fixable and that it was worth it and he was worth it. Though beyond a few early things, I didn't persue him. Mostly because of pride and fear.

I left most of the actual legal D stuff to him. I didn't want it, wouldn't pay for it, and wouldn't do the work for it and told him as much. If you click my ID you can find my early threads. There may be things I've forgotten too. I think I started posting here a few months before my H moved out. I'm not too anxious to reread any of them quite yet... As you know, it's a very raw and painful time. I think I only had 4 or 5 threads total, but I read here constantly.

I'll catch up on the threads in your sig and see if I can offer any advice. Hang in there, hon. This site got me through those awful times. If for no other reason than having people that really know how you feel. Hugs.