It must be karma, Mattie! I just thought it might be time to revisit the board!
Well, still NOT divorced. It looks like it might head to trial. Like many other STBXWs, mine feels that the offers of both the mediator and the special masters are “not enough for her to live on”. She called the mediator’s offer “an insult”.
She wants $4000 a month, even though she “works part time” under her scummy boss and makes 70K a year!
I have given in to her for 23 years just to keep the peace. Not now. Not today.
Like the Kevin Spacey line at the drive-in window in “American Beauty”: “YOU never get to tell me what to do…ever….again”. I will not give in to unreasonableness, so it may go to trial fairly soon. I don’t want to live my life being bitter that even in the end, she dictated everything, and left me with barely enough to get by.
It will soon be behind me I hope. I’m better off with a judge dictating to me how much I will pay her, because both the mediator and the special masters offered figures that I thought were fair and that I could live with, so I figure a judge may not rule so far out of line with either of them.
My personal life is great. After 14 months, “Gym Woman” and I are still together and it is great. I think I learned a lot about how to deal with my shortcomings because of my failed marriage, and with a lot of time to reflect, I think I am a much-improved partner as well.
With rare exceptions are failed relationships due to one person. It doesn’t give a person the right to use their boss for an “exercise partner” like my STBXW did or Gym Woman’s husband did with his secretary, but I don’t feel blameless in my failed marriage. I still feel horrible for my kids, and still feel that any WAS is a selfish son of a bit&h, but I am fully responsible for my part in the end of my marriage.
That aside, I think my STBX has some real emotional issues. For instance, she won’t allow D20 to bring the snow globe that I gave her for Christmas into her house, which is D20’s primary residence. D20 brought it to my old house that I pay the mortgage on that STBX lives in before she went back to college, and STBX told her she needed to return it to “your father’s house”.
She won’t allow D17 to use the Jeep that her SmarmyParamourScumBag Boss leased for her on the days that she is with me. Not to go to her job, not to drive to my apartment, not to go to a doctor’s appointment, not to go to the library because as she says “It’s for my convenience, not your father’s” (Who DOES stuff like that? Does she really want to ensure I hate her until she or I die?). If she pays a $20 co-pay for the kids, she wants the money the next day. I never ask her for a cent when I pay for stuff for the kids. She’s a whack-a-doodle!
Some even better news. I was recently promoted to full colonel! It is a true honor. Only 12% of lieutenant colonels before the board were selected. My performance in Iraq was a huge factor, I believe. For the last three years, I lived with the fact that in my deepest depression, I tried to end it all. It’s amazing how truly understanding the military can be of these things. It did not impact me at all. A true relief.
I NEVER thought I would be able to get back on my feet and dig out of my huge, overwhelming, sadness and depression. Time is a wonderful thing.
For those of you who are new to this board, I can only tell you, it gets better. I used to post about 10 times a day, and was always relieved when someone would post back to me. The names still are with me: NoHill for a Swimmer, COG, Timothy 2:23, RunningOutofTime, Frank_D (who I actually called one time!) whatis, caftan, Donna, Matilda, Gypsy, Barb, Kerry, MichelleLT….it goes on and on.
What a nice bunch of people you all are, and none of you deserved the shi&&y treatment you received at the hands of your self-absorbed ex-partners!
As I continue to regain my confidence, I much more understand of bad times, and continuously tell people “We’re all a banana peel away from a catastrophe in our lives”
