For me...the first part of your question is realizing the we will all go through a "MLC"...it is just part of our human development. Erickson in his eight stages of life said that integrity vs. despair is the last stage of human development. I think since his studies though....this stage has become a younger stage. The basic premise is that you can review your life with integrity and see what you have accomplished, achieved, succeeded and failed at with integrity. Were as despair is looking at you life from the other side of things and focusing on what you haven't achieved, accomplished, and only seeing what you failed at.
So we all go through it.....what makes the difference is how we deal with it. Some people just go with it, others hide their findings by going into the "MLC Fog". My wife is slowly coming out of the fog....and I will tell you this. For all the pain she caused.....she was in a lot more. Not only was she looking at a failed marriage (the part we deal with)...she was also seeing a failed and miserable life (the part we don't deal with since we aren't there mentally). So they hurt more.
The WAS....I think they hurt, but in a different factor. As the previous poster stated. They plan and usually have a supporter that is informing them that being away from the marriage is better. Usually you will also see WAS stating very specific problems in the marriage (lack of sex, not helping enough, not cleaning enough)...were as a MLC spouse will just state it is everything without giving clear answers to specifics.
