When do I tell H that this is HIS Separation and D if it goes that far? I will not help with it but I WILL protect myself and the kids.
IMHO you wait until the very last possible second to tell him anything. Maybe even wait longer, Just stay NC. That is a form of communication. Anything you tell him is actually pushing the D along. Since that is not what you want why tell him anything.
Reread the advice that was already given to you. It was all good.
Remember that all his actions are driven by his own depression. So he may not have the motivation to push the D along if he is depressed enough. You never really know.
