New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

Called boys and W yesterday. Still positive contact with W. I'm just calling to say hi and try to reestablish a friendship. My W has been friendly and pleasant for the past 3 weeks. She asked me what are we going to do about the tax return this year. Last year she DEMANDED that I send her half of it. That was after she filed for D. Yesterday, we just talked about it like we always had for the past 16 years. I told her we'd use it for the most pressing need.

She said her car was having some real issues and asked if we could devote some funds for that. I told her that safety is key for her and the boys so we agreed to use most of the tax return money so my W can purchase a safer vehicle.

I think back about my conversation and thought about the issue of boundaries. Did I give in too easily to help her with her car issue? Should I have been tougher and let her deal with this on her own? What could have been the right position to take?

I rationalized by saying that anything that affects our 3 boys is always a top priority for me. If my W's car breaks down, it also affects the boys in many ways. So I aired on the side of safety and support for my W and the boys.

Whether my W is milking me for money is another question. But I didn't think about that at all when I talked with her last night. She was very pleasant, so was I. That was it. Insight anyone???

JR09