If you want to try, it is time calmly state that you are willing to work on this, and will work towards forgiveness and reconciliation... but ONLY IF he ends the R completely with OW and offers complete transparency. Then you stand your ground.
Depending how bad the A is, and depending on how long things have been bad in the M, this IMHO, will generally not work. It's a lot more difficult for the WAS to end the As. Although they should, but I'm just saying that most the time, it doesn't happen that easily. That's why Michelle says, no R talks, and start focusing on yourself. The As will usually continue, and it won't be words that will stop it, it will be actions.
luv, I definitely believe that you can put a boundary up with your H that if he wants to continue living in the home that you need for him to respect you and the children and keep any and all contact with OW outside of the home. If he decides he truly wants to work on the M and is ready to stop contact with her, then you will be ready to work on the M as well.
just mho.
fyi, don't make any rash decisions either, now that you have this new info.
Well, I guess I only have the evidence that it worked for me. Maybe my sitch is unusual? I don't know, I just know I had to set my boundary and it had to be his choice.
The main point I was making, Luv, is that I think you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you, because if you decided to fight for your M is going to be hard! And you need to be committed to that.
