someone, PLEASE help me get a grasp!

[cat04]

i was totally panic stricken. it still will get me if he says divorce!

This will pass if you do the work you need to do on yourself. And you will be surprised by the day he says D and you open your mouth to reply and the words that come out are Ok (or something to that effect) and your heart is not pounding out of your chest and you remain calm, but it will happen.

even tho i dont want the chaos of him living here, i would feel more secure if he did!

I can completely understand this feeling.

Can you define secure? In what way, financially, less afraid he is actually going to D?

This is a very difficult thing, living with a MLCer. Snodderly is right and if I could do it over, that would be the ONE thing that I would change. On the other hand, I also do not think it has been a supremely horrible situation.

What I do know is this…

His living here, slowed my healing and progress. It made me look at every action and wonder if it was positive or negative and what did it mean for a good long while.

It also has, more recently, really intensified my anger in regards to his parenting skills. And everyday his behavior reinforces what I already know. (That is actually good because I don’t do the is this or isn’t this MLC dance. I see it all of the time.)

I do believe him being here has also slowed his process. He too has said that he is doing the “right” thing or what he has to for our S. And me. He had made me promises when we got married. To be honest when I heard that, just a few months post bomb, I almost burst out laughing. I wanted to ask why THAT promise was the important one (financial), but I just left it alone. Over time, I have come to understand why that was the important one. Because it is the only way he knows how to show/act responsibly. It was what he was shown as a child.

Do your best to keep your head and know that whatever happens, you will be ok.