Thanks Jstar. I am beginning to feel better although there are really dark moments when sleep eludes me and I re-live the pain of the last months. I am trying to stay focused and not anticipate the future. It is diffiult living in the moment. Unfortunately I do not know how to quote parts of your response so I'll just put it in italics: "your h probably does not really know what he truely wants, sadly he is in a lot of pain as well,"- I ask myself constantly what pain he feels or if he does? I have come to the conclusion that he does not feel anything at all. He has never once mentioned the loss. All he said is that he wants to move on and that our relationship is damaged beyond repair. He is cold and selfish. That is all. I am moving back because I have been living with family and my life is on hold. I can't be suspended in this limbo forever. I also need to get my stuff going and there is no alternative but to go back. He did not want me to go back, he wanted to just kick me out and get it over and done with. I have no desire to provoke him, I just want to also be able to get on with my life, with or without him, and I have to go back. If he does not want to see me, that's ok but I have lots to sort out and all my stuff is there.
