You could always grip the lapels and shake vigorously back and forth. (She doesn't know judo, does she?) WARNING: Do not do this.
I don't mind the jokes at all, keep 'em coming. A sense of humor has gotten me through a lot of this. Sometimes I can only laugh about life's "sitcom" situation where, of course, only someone with a sustained sex drive as high as mine is going to be with a wife who wants no sex at all. Kind of like you hit all the stop lights only when you're late for a meeting.
A friend once suggested getting my wife drunk and slinging her over my shoulder and carrying her to the bedroom. Funny as a joke, but not my style in reality. But of course, not funny at all for the all too many women who've experienced that in the form of date rape, typically in college or around that time of their lives.
