No, as far as I know, she has no clue that I have seen these items.
Why didn't you immediately call her on this:
Quote:
... she said "she has not and is not seeing anyone.
That calls for you to immediately put up your hand in the "stop" position and say "PLEASE STOP IT. We both know you're lying to me right now, and it's incredibly disrespectful. If you want to try to reconcile, we can discuss that, but if you're just going to lie to me, then I'm going to leave."
Or something very similar.
Knowing what you know, you're never going to feel safe in the relationship without her agreeing to complete no-contact and transparency . . . I wouldn't think? And yet she doesn't know that you know, so how to approach it?
That's your problem. You need to get the 500-lb. gorilla in the room out on the table, so he can be dealt with.
In my opinion, your wife had an emotional affair, has probably cooled it somewhat (I don't think completely, but something has happened with "plate #1" and it's spinning slower which is making her turn to her "plate #2" (um, sorry, but that would be you).)
She probably doesn't consider what she's telling you as lying, because or some combination of "he's just a friend" and "our marriage was emotionally dead, so it's not really cheating." I could be wrong, but I don't think it had gotten physical. (NOT THAT IT MATTERS)
That calls for you to immediately put up your hand in the "stop" position and say "PLEASE STOP IT. We both know you're lying to me right now, and it's incredibly disrespectful. If you want to try to reconcile, we can discuss that, but if you're just going to lie to me, then I'm going to leave."
She has specifically told me she is open to God's will for our marriage but is NOT in a place to try to reconcile right now. She is broken and needs time to heal.
With respect to the "please stop", it is exceedingly difficult to do when you have circumstantial evidence. Hence the "trust but verify" mantra.
But she WON'T heal if she continues to contact OM.
What do YOU need? Do you feel you can feel safe in the relationship, knowing what you know and seeing what you've seen, without full transparency from her?
What do YOU need? Do you feel you can feel safe in the relationship, knowing what you know and seeing what you've seen, without full transparency from her?
No I will not feel safe in the relationship without no contact and full transparency. Given that she has stated that she is not in a position to try, how can I set boundaries with such items.
