Question

[awest1217]

So interesting night. H did get back with me about hanging out today. We went over to his parents, but before he kept asking if I was mad at him. I am not mad, just feeling strange. I told him I wasn't mad or upset so we met and wen to his parents house. We were hanging out with S and then I went into the kitchen to get something, he followed and said I looked really nice tonight. He then said actually you look "hot". He hasn't said that in months. He then kisses me...really kisses me. It was really nice and melted my defenses. As you said Lucky, Love is a choice, and I said I needed something big to show me he was really in it for us. That helped. The rest of the night he would wink at me or when given a chance would pull me in to kiss me again. Haven't done that since probably fall 2008...long time.

Then we got home, put S to bed, then made out (I know high school...lol). It was a really nice just sitting with H holding me and rubbing my back. It was a special moment. We talked about some things that was more relationship oriented so I took that time to say how I wasn't going to check the cell phone. He said he had been talking to OW, but he hadn't seen her in over a week and was talking to her less. It kind of stopped the "mood". It was really sad for me because I was on a slight high. We then spent some more time talking about anything and everything. It was like when we first started dating. I felt like I had my best friend back. I told him what I think about OW and how I still was not ok with them talking, but glad he told me. I also told him that I want our new relationship to be all about trust, and that I want to hear from him if he makes a mistake and not find out some other way. He said he appreciated it and told me about the calls. He says they are all about work. The rest of the night was talking about church, therapists, and many other things. It just flowed and was nice. He thanked me for listening and not acting like I knew it all becuase he missed talkingto me too, but had stopped because he always felt I would hear, but not listen because it was my way or no way (completely true). At some point we talked about his younger brother who is doing to a girl what H did to me (I am friends with the girl so I have counseled her to drop him, she is in high school, and she has). He said he thinks his brother is reaching out to the girl because he likes the feeling he gets with her because she listens to him and cares about him, but he likes the party seen too. He may not be in love with her, but the feeling. I then told him how I have had a hard time lately because I think H is in love with me being caring and not in love with me. He listened and said he understands that, but I said his actions tonight has helped me. I asked about therapy when we were talking about counseling and how he might want to go into that one day. He said he called, but the people don't have an opening because they only work three days a week. I don't know if that is true or not, but i am going to try to trust him.

Overall, especially after reading what you said Lucky, I think I am in a place where I am just not feeling love. It is there, I just don't feel it right now. I know deep down I love him so I will keep on. I said how I would really like if he would just stay tonight because that would be the best, but he couldn't. S even says every day when H gets ready to leave "daddy don't go". Maybe one day soon. I know I need to make sure OW is completely gone, but it is also nice to know that he does find me attractive because he said he didn't at hte beginning of the separation. It is also nice to see he is still continuing to make progress. He asked me to go with him to see Lightning Thief and I said I would. So no real plans that I know of for V-day, but his parents didn't bring up going to his grandma's for lobster so maybe they know something I don't. I doubt it, but maybe. I think I will get a card and go from there. I will have it ready just in case.

Things are still going well...and much progress is happening...I hate waiting.