Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.

[MHL]

TF,
January blew by like it was nothing, and yet I know there have been some small, snail like positive things but I know February is another month and I can't help but think "Is this the month that I will mark something major in my journal?" I am getting used to the time it is a badge of honor now, "How long did it take?" Will I be able to answer that question one day, what I am slowly realizing is that, that question could be asked of either outcome. A) How long before she woke up and came to her senses? B) How long before you woke up and really moved on without her?

So your W is more like herself in person than on the phone? Interestingly, my H tends to call me when he pours out his heart rather than tell me in person, though he lives here. I guess he feels safer that way. Who knows.

Actually, the 3 "real" conversations we have had in the last 3 months have been over the phone and yes I think she feels safe that way. In person, it feels like we never separated. The beautiful smile, her eyes, oh, her eyes, they kill me. I have to look away sometimes when we are exchanging my S9. We talk about the kids like we used to, everyday stuff. Nothing in the future, no R talk, just kids and schedules and work stuff.

There isn't anymore distancing, but no initiating of contact either. I remember the distancing but it was when she was with other men and I don't think she could face me because of the guilt, it was her coping mechanism. I think we have been apart long enough and the fact that she started the formal separation/divorce process that in her mind it is okay. It helps me not knowing, and I have had enough time to detatch to where I can consider the thought but it does not bother me nearly as much.