I guess I have to get my "balls out of my W purse" as Robx puts it... Thxs Robx for scripting that out so good. I find that I need to be careful as to what and how I say it so that I dont come accross as controlling.
Puppy, thank you for that... I see that clearer now..
I try so hard to make things right, and now I must do it for me and my 3 kids..... DBing is tough!.. but has to happen as I have seen from the posts, and see that it works. I am also afraid that I may turn me away and not want her back.
We are still living together and sleeping in the same bed.. How effective will be Dbing be?
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Robx, thanks for the thoughts. my problem is that I just dont want to let go. Its difficult. I read your thoughts on Luv thread.. I am going to stop persuing. I guess gotta go cold turkey completely. Its a behaviour that I am not used to.. It hurts badly......
My W asked me last night if I would be willing to go out for dinner with her friend and husband later in the month? I said Im not sure... I left it at that. Her friend is someone I know a long time too, and has no idea we are going through this. A part of me tells me that I should just say no.. The other part wants to go and show that I can have a good time regardless of whats going on..
Agree with her, tell her yes. She's asking you out for dinner with her and another friend, go enjoy a meal, are you dieting? Agree with her, be happy about everything, don't mope and become anti-social.
Just an update, I have been doing the best at NC and DBing at the same time.. Its tough because we sleep in the same bed and still live with each other. I havent emailed or texted her either but today she has text me more than any other day.. Its been about the kids and the dog mind you, but none the less 3 more texts that I usually dont get from her. I am doing the whole great attitude ( tough mind you) and pleasant with the kids and her at the same time etc etc..
Need some advice. I have a strong feeling now that she may be EA. ( not confirmed for sure) We have not done the split bank accounts or anything like that. Its been status quo other than me doing the NC and DBing.. What I ask everyone is, I want to put pressure on W. How do I slowly tell her that because of our circumstances currently I feel that a separate bank account and credit cards are somehting we should consider? Not sure really how to word this other than I want to put my point across that I am moving or forward with or without her.
Dont get me wrong, I want this M to work.. I am thinking out (loud) with my new friends here. Do you think I might be pushing this too much and should continue with the NC and DBing for awhile yet before I do that?
Sounds a bit rambling, but nervous too..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
If you want to put pressure on your wife. You set boundaries with her EA. You cut off the Internet. DB does not mean bend over backwards. You have to stop the EA first. Follow the advice given to you and read up on how to plan A.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Just an update, I have been doing the best at NC and DBing at the same time.. Its tough because we sleep in the same bed and still live with each other. I havent emailed or texted her either but today she has text me more than any other day.. Its been about the kids and the dog mind you, but none the less 3 more texts that I usually dont get from her. I am doing the whole great attitude ( tough mind you) and pleasant with the kids and her at the same time etc etc..
Need some advice. I have a strong feeling now that she may be EA. ( not confirmed for sure) We have not done the split bank accounts or anything like that. Its been status quo other than me doing the NC and DBing.. What I ask everyone is, I want to put pressure on W. How do I slowly tell her that because of our circumstances currently I feel that a separate bank account and credit cards are somehting we should consider? Not sure really how to word this other than I want to put my point across that I am moving or forward with or without her.
Dont get me wrong, I want this M to work.. I am thinking out (loud) with my new friends here. Do you think I might be pushing this too much and should continue with the NC and DBing for awhile yet before I do that?
Sounds a bit rambling, but nervous too..
you say: "...currently I feel that a separate bank account and credit cards are somehting we should consider, if we're going to be divorcing might as well start with the financial aspect of it."
I used your words, you have to actually speak them, that's how it's done.
If she brings up lawyers you just look at her confidently and say "I'll let the lawyers worry about those details, that's what they get paid for"
and that's it, pleasant, cool, calm, confident, not argumentative.
You make it sounds so easy Rob... I have to rehearse this in my mind a few times to ensure it comes out cool and calm and most importantly confident.. Nicely put for me.. thanks
Also, Cutterbug you indicate that I should remove the interent. I have a 3 kids, and 1 is in highschool.. Its the only computer we have other than my laptop which no one uses.. I cant really get rid of the net.
I guess she may also be getting a bit smarter because just recently say 2 months ago decided to get her own phone plan. She got the blackberry that has the messanger on it.. She is on that thing steady!!.. No way to spy on it to see whom she is messaging,and she deletes right after she writes stuff.. I have gone through the detaching list in detail which was provided on this site, and one of them talks about not spy on email or texts etc.. I feel the need that I have to.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
