Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[Gardener]

newmama,
Sorry you don't get much traffic, as you say. I never come over to this forum. Will do so, occasionally now to check up on you.
So many posters, so little time.

So, anyway, I thought I'd bring my answer to your question at nsw's thread in Newcomers over here to your home.

newmama,

Gardener, nsw and other men, would you please respond to this q? (please excuse the t/j!!!but you get tons more traffic than my forum :-) ))

It is true that women are attracted to strong, confident men. Needy men are a turn off.

1) Yes. Agreed. Irrefutably true.

Now something I have been wondering for months:
Is the above the same for what men like in women? Because I see a lot of men on the DB forum who enjoy rescuing or taking care of women.

2) I am - and I believe most men are - attracted to strong, confident women. For me, I look for that along with the increasingly-rare attribute - and gift - of femininity. To complement my masculinity. I look for this type of woman as a companion, friend, partner, lover, playmate, confidante, spouse, etc. I also look for the basics: her Lady to my Gentleman and - always - her Girlfriend to my Boyfriend.

3) Let's differentiate between "taking care of a woman" and "rescuing a woman." I believe a man should take care of his woman and that women have every right to expect this of their men.

4) Many men actively seek out women to "rescue" either because they, themselves, are somehow "damaged" or are simply control freaks (or both). And they will spend the rest of their lives "rescuing" this woman, wondering why - and often hoping that - the woman never does "get" - or "stay" - rescued. Because this is not true "rescuing", i.e., "lifting her up" and facilitating her healing but, rather, a means to keep her perpetually down (and, therefore, him perpetually up) and under control.

While, in my opinion, the word codependent is too often misused and over-used, this kind of perpetual rescuing is truly toxic codependency.

Now, newmama, you've learned two things:
a) My answer to your question. And,
b) Never ask the always-long-winded Gardener a question of that scope!
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