Thanks for the kind comments. I get lots of inspiration from people on these Boards so if in turn inspire someone else or help get them through a moment, I am just paying back a favor. Like most people here I fell but I got back up because you can't keep a good woman(or man) down.
Hi Wired, first time speaking with you. Welcome to my house:)
RW, you asked a good question and you may regret asking it cause this may be a long answer!! Is the door a little more ajar for Mr. Kara? Maybe a smidgen... It was never shut so tightly that it could never be re-opened. When I wrote done finito finished I was operating out of pure emotion and was absolutely disgusted with the state of things. My dear BIL pleaded with me not to do anything out of pure emotion because emotions change and shift in the wind.
I'd describe myself as a praying woman who listens closely to whatever God tells me. He finds ways to speak to each of us and he tells us to do different things. I can only do Kara. I can't do any other person on the Board. Let us just say that I have given Jesus the wheel and I am not worrying about the navigation because it is in good hands. Maybe that is where the "detachment" comes from for me...letting go and letting God.
I know all the other approaches , the tough love, the NC, the whatever. I tried them all last year and sometimes at the same time!!I just ended up a nervous wreck and a shadow of myself. Constantly tentative. Always second guessing myself and every little nuance of conversation/interaction with Mr.Kara. No way to live and clearly I was doing someting wrong!!!
I have found a way to acknowledge that I would still like my M to work but that I won't be broken if it doesn't. God always has a bigger dream for us than we do for ourselves and I know I will have the loving M that I want with whoever God blesses me with. Maybe its Mr. Kara...
Why can I empathize with Mr. K? Because I have done the real self examination and really realized that I was playing at some aspects of M. There were unmet needs on both sides. I now see his pain that I was oblivious to before. Mr. Kara is neither an angel or a demon. He is human. And he has been slowly and tentatively extending his hand to me. I am not pursuing him. I am not pressuring him. I will not go there again. This has to be his effort. I am enjoying my truly blessed life and I am not sitting around staring at him to see what he is doing.
Would I give it another go with Mr. Kara? Absolutely. There would be lots of work required on both sides. So much residual pain and anger to be dealt with.Sometimes the scale of it seems enormous. I know what I will and will not settle for. I know I would give it my all and I would expect his all. But I no longer jump ahead of myself so I will look at that bridge if we have to cross it.
So, I would give it another go but I don't have the desperation that I once felt about it. It will not undo me if it doesn't happen. I have removed all the fire and gasolene because then I can say to myself that I took care of my part of the problem and gave it my best shot. Angels can do no more.
RW, I could have answered yes or no but I had to give the long answer
