Hmm, well the only thing I can say to that is that love is a decision, not just a feeling. (I can't remember which book of the millions I've been reading that came from- Hope for the Separated maybe?) But if you're done making that decision I would understand that too. He has led you along many times but I had hoped this wasn't one of them. If you need to, remind him that you are serious and that he needs to follow thru on the actions he promised. You are in a great spot right now b/c as you said, you have "found a new strength, resolve, and self-esteem" and that is exactly what this site is about. We all come here completely broken and if you have come to that point, then you are a success. Back to H, b/c you have that strength, you have the power to not let H control you. You don't need H to define your life anymore, so that is completely empowering! So, you have nothing to lose by being firm but loving but everything to gain. Remind him gently at first to give him a chance to follow thru on his own, but if you have to get tough, then get tough! He has the potential to be the man you need him to be (there was something in him you fell in love with), but he just needs some professional help along the way to get him thru his brokeness. Also powerful for you is that you are aware of the possibility of being strung alot, so that just makes you that more on guard and aware of watching for progress. You seem to have your defenses up enough to not let that happen again. You require results or you move. Powerful! I know there is alot of fear, but you have a lot of strength. Just think about it. It could be the end, but maybe just be open to another tactic. See what works for you. Being tough (as before when you demanded a meeting and spelled out what was going to happen) produced results, so maybe he needs a little more tough love to get him across the finish line. Just think about your options, but I understand how completely draining this is - giving all you have all the time and nothing in return yet. It is just my hope as I'm sure it is yours that this will all pay off one day.
Regarding Valentines day, yeah I kind of agree with CTH. For your anniversary, you gave it your all, so I think this time it's up to him to prove his love for you. You obviously have a lot of history regarding this weekend, so I hope he would take some of that to heart, but with him in this down stage, it's hard to say. But if you would still like to do something, maybe get a card you think you might want to give him and see how you feel when the time comes. If you decide to give him something, why don't you consider making him something instead of going out and buying him a gift - maybe cookies or candies (most of the craft or cake supply stores have great molds and melting chocolate - fun idea!) V day is tough though, so much uncertainity on how to act and what to expect. It's discouraging that we must hope for the best but still plan for the worse for our sanity's sake. Maybe bring it up to him just to see what he's even thinking about right now at this point. Of course if you are having to show him tough love (above) to get him to go thru with therapy, he may not be in much of a V day spirt. =\
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
