Well, that is what you get when you "bluff" and get called on it.
You have made a classic mistake. You were TRYING to make him jealous by throwing it out there that you are going to see other people. That is ridiculous. OF COURSE he is going to tell you to go ahead. Why? He KNOWS you don't mean it. He KNOWS and feels you are just saying that to make him jealous.
Your answer is to CALL his bluff on your bluff. When a BS starts socially interacting the most effective thing to do is to NOT say anything to the WS. You don't TELL them you are doing it, you just do it. Any person that has ever played poker has at one time or another bluffed. When the opponent calls their bluff, should the first person who bluffed just throw in their hand? That is what you did. What if the first person who bluffed actually HAD the better hand? Well the one who bluffed is in for a big surprise isn't he? He wasn't worried when he called your original bluff because he had studied you and knew your game so well that he sensed that he knew when you bluff.
Play the hand out here and call his bluff by doing exactly what you warned him about. You won't know your answer until the hand is played out. You are wanting to throw your cards in too soon because you are believing his bluff means you will lose the hand. NOT TRUE.
Why are you being so transparent? I wish I could tell you how many times I have seen a BS say to the WS."How would you feel if I started seeing someone?" It is a cheeseless tunnel. ESPECIALLY when the WS has OW....
Your answer here is to SHOW him by doing. NO TALK. ACTION. Not to make him jealous, but to show him you ARE moving on. That isn't done with words and bluffs and threats. It is done by doing.
CALL his bluff with action. Neither one of you will know how he is going to feell UNTIL he has to face the reality. The thing that wakes them up isn't you seeing other people, but thinking that your thoughts and feelings have SWITCHED to someone new. A specific person that he senses has taken over your thoughts.
Stop trying to control this. Just keep going out and having fun and interacting with people. Stop trying to plan and trying to get a reaction from him. Go out and meet others and just have fun and let things open up on their own.
(((Luv)))) I am so sorry. I was where you are at a few months ago. It is a nightmare.
YOu have to decide if you want to still try to repair your M or if this is a deal breaker for you.
If you want to try, it is time calmly state that you are willing to work on this, and will work towards forgiveness and reconciliation... but ONLY IF he ends the R completely with OW and offers complete transparency. Then you stand your ground.
My H took 3 weeks after that to decide, but he chose our M and we are making progress. The choice will be his.
His behavior is unacceptable and you do not have to take this. You finding out may create the crisis needed for him to finally get his head out of his a*$ and make a decision.
You can do this. You are a strong and amazing woman!
If you want to try, it is time calmly state that you are willing to work on this, and will work towards forgiveness and reconciliation... but ONLY IF he ends the R completely with OW and offers complete transparency. Then you stand your ground.
Depending how bad the A is, and depending on how long things have been bad in the M, this IMHO, will generally not work. It's a lot more difficult for the WAS to end the As. Although they should, but I'm just saying that most the time, it doesn't happen that easily. That's why Michelle says, no R talks, and start focusing on yourself. The As will usually continue, and it won't be words that will stop it, it will be actions.
luv, I definitely believe that you can put a boundary up with your H that if he wants to continue living in the home that you need for him to respect you and the children and keep any and all contact with OW outside of the home. If he decides he truly wants to work on the M and is ready to stop contact with her, then you will be ready to work on the M as well.
just mho.
fyi, don't make any rash decisions either, now that you have this new info.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I hope you get some rest tonight. lean on the Lord, pray, and read his word constantly.
((luv))
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
If you want to try, it is time calmly state that you are willing to work on this, and will work towards forgiveness and reconciliation... but ONLY IF he ends the R completely with OW and offers complete transparency. Then you stand your ground.
Depending how bad the A is, and depending on how long things have been bad in the M, this IMHO, will generally not work. It's a lot more difficult for the WAS to end the As. Although they should, but I'm just saying that most the time, it doesn't happen that easily. That's why Michelle says, no R talks, and start focusing on yourself. The As will usually continue, and it won't be words that will stop it, it will be actions.
luv, I definitely believe that you can put a boundary up with your H that if he wants to continue living in the home that you need for him to respect you and the children and keep any and all contact with OW outside of the home. If he decides he truly wants to work on the M and is ready to stop contact with her, then you will be ready to work on the M as well.
just mho.
fyi, don't make any rash decisions either, now that you have this new info.
Well, I guess I only have the evidence that it worked for me. Maybe my sitch is unusual? I don't know, I just know I had to set my boundary and it had to be his choice.
The main point I was making, Luv, is that I think you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you, because if you decided to fight for your M is going to be hard! And you need to be committed to that.
