Just want my H back

[25yearsmlc]

I'm saying that you are letting him go (you have NO choice anyhow but may as well appear to be making a choice, you know?) and that if you start dragging your feet now it'll appear as if you were merely "acting" nice and accepting to lull him back, as a tactic, rather than a real change on your end.

The underlying idea is that you want to plant seeds in him that make him think, over time and down the road (to be realistic it won't happen today or tomorrow unless your moving triggers something in him, but even so, that would not change my advice) SO,

you want to plant the seeds that say you are a diff woman than you were, that M to you now would be better, that you both could get past the past to build on a future (which dragging your feet will also undermine) and therefore, simply accepting the inevitable thing over which you have no real control anyhow, is a good plan and a way to appear dignified and graceful and NOT argumentative, which was one of his perceptions about the way you two related. Your agreeability undermines his negative data and does NOT hurt you legally, in fact it sounds as if he's being reasonable and "fair"....(when I say "fair" i mean, given the givens).

Hope this helps. I think you did VERY WELL H3, really. And you will be one of those women who either reconciles with her ex h, or finds a new good man AFTER she learns to feel pretty darn good about her own life and self on her own.

A broken heart sucks. It really does. But in the grand scheme of things, I mean globally, it's not that big a deal. Not trying to minimize your pain or my own from the past. But one day when I was in the hospital pregnant, I was looking at the moon wallowing in self pity and worry, even though I knew the baby would likely be fine. I thought suddenly, "wow, there must be a million other women pregnant right now looking at that same moon" and I began to imagine what their lives were like..."are their h's coming home or are they even alive? Do they have "homes"? Or huts? Do they have medical care, or will they give birth and hope the village midwife comes around? Will THIS baby be healthy enough to live? Is anyone from the next village going to hack off limbs b/c she belongs to the wrong tribe?
Does she have electricty, or food in her electric refrigerator, or know how long it will last?

I have food, shelter, electricity and will have all of them tomorrow and the next day too. No one is trying to take my son away to join a warlord's gang, no one is forcing me or my d to wear covers over our faces or have a male chaperone with us at all times....we can study or work where we get hired or invited to attend...."

In the grand scheme of things, I realized I was SO lucky to be born in the time and nation, and that my problems were really pretty small. What if i were to meet another woman over in one of those difficult places and told her I was sad about ...whatever....My h's MLC, or the "hassle of medical care" and that my car was not working as well b/c the rattle was still there....I felt foolish and grateful all at once. My point? Well I think you get this...

You are becoming a success story. DBing is not soley focussed on breaking up divorces; it's also about surviving them and even thriving. I believe you are one of those women who will fit into one or more of these groups and for that, and the way you picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and carried on, you deserve admiration. Well done.

j-