I went to Barnes and Noble to get the codependent book and eat lunch at McD's and my ex send me a message asking if I was home yet. Then she called and wanted to know if I was home yet so she could drop off D3. I told her it would take me about 45 mins because of snow detours and traffic and suggested I could swing by her dads house and pick D3 up if I wasnt back in time. She said "whatever" and hung up on me.
So that caused me to try calling, sending a message asking whats wrong, then sending a message acknowleding her frustration but asking what the difference was between her dropping D3 off and me picking her up on the way home.
She still didnt respond. So I finshed my lunch and headed home. As I was getting close I messaged and asked her if I should go to her dads house or go home. She called and asked where I was and I was passing by a gas station that was right by her dads house and that she was at (w/o D3). She told me just to go on home and she would drop her off over there in a bit.
I thought that was strange given that I could just pick her up real quick while I was there and even said that to her...and said that it seemd like there was something going on that she wasnt telling me again. She denied it and ended up coming over with D3 shortly thereafter.
After all that shovelling she didnt even pull in the driveway. She brought D3 in and I said something about how she could have parked int he driveway. She was angry and said how she had to go. She said she was annoyed at me for not being home when she needed me to be but that she was really pissed at her family for them shovelling their cars out of the snow but not hers when she was sick.
Me, being stupid, offered to go help her shovel her car out. She declined but continued to go on about how mad she was at having to go shovel it out so I offered again...practically throwing myself at her and saying how much I would enjoy doing it for her. She said thanks for the offer but she didnt want me doing it and she could do it herself. She could tell I was upset and asked why and I said I was just hoping to get to talk to her a little bit, and she said "do we have to talk everyday?" I said no but it had been three days. She reiterated that she had to go and left.
5 minutes later she called me (question is why?) and could tell that in between the time she left and the time she called I had gotten really upset and again she wanted to know why. I told her that I just wanted to talk about nothing specific. She said we could talk tomorrow when we get our taxes done.
She said she was tired, crabby, and fed up with everything. She said she was even mad at me but she knows I didnt really do anything. She said she was just going to go home, shovel her car out and probably go to bed. Then she said she was hoping to watch the Superbowl tonight but it's going to take her 5 hours to shovel out her car so she "probably wont go anywhere". That was likely said for my benefit, as I know she wont not go out on superbowl night even if she is in pain. (and odds are she's going to be with OM).
She went on to say how pissed she was at all of her family because when she got up this morning there was garbage and dirty dishes everywhere and she had to clean it all up.
I did it again....and said that if I were there I would have done all that for her...and she said "dont start this again I dont want to get in to this right now". I then said what I meant is that I would have been happy to do those things for her while she was sick and she said "I know but if you did that than I'd have all the other stuff to deal with."
She said she had to go and we got off the phone. I ended up sending her a text message telling her I was sorry things were so frustrating over there and they were so inconsiderate. I said that it made me sad when she was so upset and I wish there was sometihng I could do to help. I told her all she had to do was ask. I then said that she should be careful shoveling all that snow because the strain could dislodge the blood clots in her mouth which worried me.
She hasnt responded to that and likely wont.
I dont know why I (choose to?) have no self control when she's around. I did fine for three days and then she pops back up and I ended up pursuing, mindreading, and probably some other stuff I shouldnt have.
I'd like to know why the OM didnt come shovel her car out? I'm not allowed to do it and he doesnt offer? Even back when my ex and I were dating and she lived at her dads house or was working I would come clean her car off at times as a surprise to her...no matter what the weather. That makes me think he really is using her.
Of course thinking back on all I've said here...I missed a golden opportunity to allow her to feel the consequences of her actions by not cushioning her. They're so inconsiderate of her over there...that's how they always were...she is like their slave...and over here I did everything for her.
I know a happy medium in between those is what she wanted with me before...and is what I would be willing to give if she ever comes back...but still it would be nice if she would be able to see that at least some things arent as great over there in comparison to here.
Of course if I cant ever detatch and stop making myself a doormat, I'm blocking that from ever happening.
