Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[MrBond]

I agree with you about her not having a role model for forgiveness.

In fact, I'll go one further and say that she has never had a good role model for conflict. Her family has always been of the idea that you figure out your own problems. She hasn't had any good close friends to serve as a confidant and when she feels someone has betrayed them, she cuts them off rather than dealing with the conflict.

For example, her dad left her mom when she was 6. I think when he left it was just an accepted thing. No one really went deep into how she felt. He had gotten sick with cancer when we were in college and she helped to care for him for his final few months. Since the day he died over 15 years ago, she refuses to visit his grave or make peace. Her sister and mom never went to visit him even when he was dying. I went to meet him with my W while he was sick and he was a man full of regret and wanted to make amends, but they weren't having it.

Another example is that when all this stuff happened, she confessed her feelings about her boss to her best friend who was also the maid of honor at our wedding. When I was trying to figure out what was going on, I talked to her friend and asked her for details. We found out that she withheld alot of information from her friend about who this "wonderful" guy was and she was disappointed with my W. After my W found out we talked, she cut her friend out of her life.

That's how she's been acting with me. Even though she is in the wrong, she'd rather cut people out than deal with conflict. When we get into a disagreement about the kids, she cuts out my opinion and believes she is right. That's when I treat her like the child she is acting like and set her straight. Afterwards she's fine.

In my sitch, there has been no chance to "validate" anything she says because she really doesn't talk much. Just says what she wants to do and that's that. And she keeps it all to just day to day stuff. All this happened the day she said she was leaving for her boss.

I also think she went after her boss because he was like a "father figure" to her. Where she found someone who would take care of her and could follow blindly without contributing anything to the R.

I'll give an update a little later.