I'm assuming that you have confronted H with what you have... sit tight for now until you are in a less emotional state. With all the sitches you've read up on here... I would have thought you would have learned at least that much.
So... hold your horses and calm down. As for going to the H... YES! But you do it methodically and calmly. Threatening was not clever because now your H and OW will blow smoke up the OWH a$$.
Take it easy. Let him sit and squirm and worry about what you're going to do. Right now your standard response is this:
1) No R talk 2) If he approaches you... walk away! 3) If that slut appears in your home today... send her away. You do NOT allow her into your home... IS THAT CLEAR? Let her explain to her H why! 4) If he pressures you for what you're going to do... "I haven't decided. I will think about it."
(((( Luv )))) I'm sorry. You were right. Now you have disclosure and you're not crazy. Take solace in that fact.
