No It isn't/wasn't a mistake. It hurts all the way over here to read about so much pain. I think you should focus on you a bit now and what makes you feel strong and happy. Someone else can't do that for you or for him.

He will not change over night. It is painful for him too that he can't be what you want right this moment. Loving support is what you can give. When you got dressed up, was it more for him than for you? He won't see it now I am afraid. He doesn't see any good in himself so maybe find the small things he does that are sweet and respond.

I hope I am helping you a bit. kat

Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory