In time your W might just notice your changes and then who knows what could happen. Don't you think it's worth a shot?
oh its definately worth a shot.
Originally Posted By: flowmom
I hope that you can make this a priority in IC. Make sure that you are not wasting time in IC just talking about the past, your feelings, etc. It's good to let it out in a safe place, but you have work to do right now and you should ask your IC to help you stay on task with pursuing goals.
yeah...due to scheduloing its gonna be a few weeks before I can get back to my IC but I definately think this is the new issue that needs to be focused on.
Originally Posted By: Gardener
While there is a measure of co-dependency here, what is a good R, a good mate if not:..my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my family?
Gardner...what were you getting at when you said this? I have no doubt that I had a good thing in my ex which is why I love and miss her so much. I'm a little confused by your statement.
Originally Posted By: Gardener
There goes that "poor me" again. You have made friends here. Your friends get frustrated when you don't follow their advice but they wouldn't be giving advice if they weren't friends and didn't care.
Oh no...please dont misunderstand. When I said "here"...I mean in my local community where I live. I do know that I have friends here on this board and I appreciate all their advice and support and hope that I can pay it forward in time.
A little journaling:
I went outside and shoveled snow for almost 3 hours straight this morning. I'm tired and may even have frostbite on my toes. I dug out my car and even dug out the driveway so my ex or her family will have some place to park when they bring D3 back. I feel like such a moron for doing that...as they probably wont even care.
The sad part is that the whole time I was doing it my mind wasnt being occupied. Like a broken record in my mind it kept repeating over and over again how I'm over here by myself having to do all this because of my ex and her lover. How if he hadnt stepped in, or she hadnt given up on us, we'd be inside right now stayig warm having cuddled up together. And that of course led to the anger towards my ex and her lover.
I dunno maybe that anger gave me the adrenaline I needed to shovel a rediculous amount of snow. But I didnt like it.
I dont want negative thoughts in my mind...I dont want sadness or anger. I want to be a happy person. I want to be able to let go of this pain...because it's not doing me any good.
Carrying this pain will not bring my ex back to me...it will drive her further away. Carrying this pain will not make me a better father.
----- As I was typing this my ex called. It's scary how my mood changed. I went from sad/angry to melty man happy.
She said "thank you" for the card...and she said "thank you for being cool about her staying here last night".
I'm about ready to cry...because I got the recognition I've been longing for for days. This is proof of my low self esteem...I read about the praise craving in my book.
I told her I was sorry I didnt do more but that I didnt really know what I could do and she said that she really appreciated the card and that it was plenty. That made me feel good too.
I asked how she was doing and she said she was doing better...that she had mainly been sleeping a lot because of the side effects of the medication. I told her that was one reason I hadnt called or texted her in the last few days becuase I know she needed her rest and I didnt want to bother her or upset her.
She said she would bring D3 over and drop her off and I told her i had cleared the driveway for her. She said they had only been able to get one car unstuck and her dad needed it, so she was going to be quick when she dropped D3 off. While on the inside it brought me down, as I was hoping she would come in for a while, I just let that go with a "oh ok that's fine".
I asked her if she still wanted to get the taxes done tomorrow and she said she'd let me know. I told her I could pick her up and drop her back off at her dads if need be in case her car was still stuck and she was feeling the side effects of the meds. She said she'd let me know.
I talked to D3 for a minute and then my ex said she'd be over later and we ended the conversation.
While it gave me joy to hear from her and hear the things I'd been longing to hear. I know I made some mistakes. Pursuit is probably the biggest one...with my talking about the driveway and offering to drive her tomorrow. I was also doing the Mr. Nice Guy routine when only an hour earlier I was so angry at her.
What else did I do wrong, and how should Ihandle thingswhen she comes over and tomorrow?
