Well, that was it? H got here about 11:15, seemed kinda quiet but when we sat down to eat, he perked up and then he and the kids played a little game while I cleared the table and we all talked for a little while then he mentioned something about he and S14 needing haircuts so I offered to do it today, birthday haircut. While I cut it we chatted a little (general stuff) and when I got done, he told the kids he better get going...thanked us for his dinner and left. Luckily, D11 remembered that we were going to send the leftover with him so she ran out and caught him and we gave them to him. No kiss, no hug, just a thankyou.
I should be happy that he came and that I was pleasant and that we had fun as a family but dangit it is hard to see him leave.
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Glad that every thing went politely and pleasantly hun! It is so hard to see them leave every time but it does get easier as time goes on. Just enjoy the baby step of him coming and spending some time with you all as a family, perhaps in a few weeks time you can ask him over for sunday lunch and see how that goes.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hi LR! Yes, that is what I am trying to tell myself is that yesterday was a baby step and even though he wasn't excited when he first got here, that he did have a nice time and left with a smile! A few weeks ago I would have had a hard time keeping that smile on my face if he had showed up acting that way!
I found a link on someone's thread here from the NY Times about a wife who refused to believe her husbands ILYBNILWU speech and his blaming her for all their marraige troubles and sent it to my DIL and my co-workers. My DIL was thinking that H was doing this on purpose to hurt us all and couldn't understand why I was hanging on but it opened her mind a little.
I have decided to go ahead and set some goals as that is something I have not done yet so need to re-read that in the DR book and get busy! Will keep me busy as it is another cold, gloomy, snowy day here!
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Goals are good, my first ones were as simple as H phoning me more than once a week! And coming to see me without a set time, I used to get a slot on saturday between 10-3.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
What did you do to get him to call more than once a week? My H doesn't even call unless it is about the kids. Still working on my goals, my problem is, how to go about getting to them!
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CW, you can't GET HIM to do anything. Your goals should be about you. That is what the loving detachment is about. If your goals are about him you are not detaching. Just something to think about...
Good to hear from you RW! I haven't set any goals yet...still need to get my book out and work on the goals. I realize I can't make him do anything...I think I should re-word my question. LR said her first goals were as simple as her H phoning more than once a week. What did she do to achieve that goal?
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He would only phone once a week or even ten days, in that time I didnt contact him at all. Complete silence and even when he did phone the minimum of details about my life, well he didnt want to be part of it and he wasnt my friend, so why would I need to chat. Eventually he had to come find out for himself lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Just trying to understand LR...so...the changes you made in yourself? are what made him WANT to call you more? I read some more in DR last night and have a couple of goals in mind. Boy, I wish that Michelle were right next door so I could bug her everyday about this stuff!!! ;-) I keep telling myself...patience, patience my child!!!!
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