Gnosis, your note helps me. I am at a place where detachment is necessary for my emotional well-being and I appreciate how you explained the nature of the process.
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
The next question that comes up is "Do I love her?" Yes, I do, and now it's my turn to add, "but I'm not in love with her." It's a strange feeling. I still have my ups and downs and question and second guess myself frequently. This is to be expected. Sadly our minds and feelings can't be switched on or off at will.
It seems like true detachment and attachment are mutually exclusive. When the bomb drops, the WAS isn't truly detached because they are actively involved in reacting against the LBS. If the LBS manages to detach post-bomb, s/he may end up ahead of the WAS in the detachment process, esp. if the WAS is involved in his/her own dramas. When the LBS truly detaches, it may only be the WAS who holds the attachment torch. Only if the WAS starts pursuing can reconciliation occur. But even then, both the WAS and the LBS must be open to and capable of re-attachment, with each other.
Am I understanding how things have played out in your sitch?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
