You are going to have to let go of the regret and blaming yourself though. Reflection so you can better yourself is great. Going over and over your mistakes and blaming yourself... not great.
No matter how you got here it is what it is, and all you can do is grow, change, and move forward. You are right, it is some of both of your responsibility you got here. Just like all of us. Beating yourself up does no good though.
I can tell you have a good heart, AYK.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
