follow reality, you've been trying very hard for very long and you received no real positive results out of it.
You're working hard on this problem isn't going to fix it.
Let go.
Focus on you & the kids, give him space & time to deal with his issues, you can't fix them for him. Make sure you enjoy your life and be a great parent for your kids.
If he wants part of this great life of yours, he'll do what it takes to get himself there and if he doesn't, you will have wasted no effort in the process.
Hard to do this because it means doing nothing, but counter-intuitive is what works in all of these situations. You have been doing what you "feel" you should be doing instead of observing reality, working at it hasn't been working, so stop.
