You are letting him suck you both 'in' and 'down' - a typical thing that happens with a depressed partner. Do you think your C would suggest that your H seeks help, ( either medicinal or through something like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - or even both), to help him, (and you), through this difficult time.
Your H's lack of ability to react to something like those songs, smacks of depression and wallowing in his own sh!t without seeing a way forwards. I suffered terribly with depression, ( and I still struggle with it from time to time), and trying to feel anything or sort yourself out when you feel like that is just awful. My sex drive went completely, and although I knew I loved my H, I also was sort of numb to him. I know it doesn't make sense that one can be like that, but one can be. I think in hindsight I was going through some sort of 'transitional crisis' and I just didn't know where to turn. My H couldn't help me, and I ran around doing silly things because I thought they would make me feel better, but they didn't. I acted the princess, I had my H buy me my horses, I spent on whatever I wanted to etc. etc......... My H pandered to it but nothing brought us closer in the way he wanted as I was just running around like a headless chicken. In the end I had to hit rock bottom and seek help in order for me to heal. No-one else could help me. My H certainly couldn't. As he was the one closest to me he was the one that got the brunt of my anger/ distress. I believe that is what drove him to have the A he had.
It was only because he could see I was changing and I started reaching out to him and telling him once more what he meant to me, that he told me about his A, and then after a turbulent week of comings and goings, he broke it off. I have now learned that I have to share with him when I see these black holes of depression coming on instead of turning in on myself and away from him, which is what I want to do when it happens.
I don't know what triggers it in me. Certainly there is a family disposition towards depression, and I think I started to feel that I was moving on to the next 'stage' of my life and that my children didn't need me as much. I felt lost. I have so enjoyed having young children and watching them bloom and grow.It was a magical stage of life and I didn't want it to end. Suddenly they started to not need me as much. Of course in reality they do still need me, but in a different way. However, I am no longer needed for the 'structure' of their day and so I don't feel 'needed'. In theory I could stay in bed until lunchtime and just 'play ' with my horses. my feelings of self worth took a huge hit. Firstly I had had a great career where I actually was the highest earner, then I chose to become a SAHM, and my H's career really took off, but I didn't miss working as I had four lovely children to look after, then Boom!, I am not as needed and my worth in the job market has dropped radically as I have been a SAHM mom for the last 19 years and so my market worth, (and with it my self esteem) is very low; even though I have run, and continue todo so, a part -time tax consultancy business.
Sorry, I feel I have gone into unload mode on you. I am just trying to explain that OW for your H may just have been a way of trying to run away from something your H doesn't understand and he realised it wasn't the answer he thought it was. He doesn't know what the answer is, but he needs to hit rock bottom and find out for himself. I think you are getting the brunt of the anger/ moodiness from him whilst he is on this journey.Inside he feels helpless and numb; he knows he loves you but is unable to express it. Just my guess anyway.
I am sorry that your night out turned out the way it did.
(((((HUGS))))
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength