I can totally relate to this. It was probably only when my H moved out and told me he was done that I realised how much I wanted him. Up until that point i generally kept him at arms length always thinking he would be there - yes - this is my acceptance of the part that I played in the breakdown of our M.
So I think you are absolutely right - whilst we continue to be attached and show we are not the lost ones, we will be alone.
I did the same thing - thought that we would always be together - that there was nothing we could not get through. We have had a couple of really hard patches over the years and we always made it through it. We always managed to work things out.
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1