Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Sandi -
So what do you make of this...what do I need to do differently?

Tonight W takes computer, shuts herself in bedroom at about 11:00. When I get tired, I take dog up to go to bed. W says she has been looking at pictures of the dog. So I tell her the dog is hard on all of us...her reply is harder on her because it has basically been her dog...and that is true and I told her so, but that doesn't mean I don't care too.

W asks if I'm tired and I said yes, its 1 in the morning. She says she's going to take her computer and go downstairs then. And she isn't being friendly. So I take your advice and call her on all of it.

First of all, I say take a sleeping pill or something, you were in bad mood today because you were tired and now tomorrow is going to be a repeat. I said I don't understand the need to stay on the computer till 3 or 4 in the morning. Her reply was that it wasn't 4 last night it was 2...I said I don't know what time it was, but it was late. I told her I'm tired of the bad moods and being treated like crap. W says what I'm cordial, I'm friendly, we're like roommates. I said yes except for the wild mood swings where you are then cold, nasty, and mean and I provided example of Friday afternoon. W says to me that she was just mad because she expected me to be home sooner that afternoon and we were running late. I replied with I got ready in-time and we didn't end up being late.

W then says I've always been moody (which is a true statement)...I reply not this bad and if you were this bad in the past, I shouldn't have put up with it before either (my tone of voice was firm, probably slightly agitated, like I would talk to my older daughter if she was pulling this stunt). W says to me "then just let me go"...I ask her what does that mean...she won't answer...I ask again, no response, I ask a couple more time and then say no you need to explain that, you threw it out there, what does that mean. W says quit trying to make us work, this obviously isn't working. Let me move on.

I now more calmly state that I am not keeping you here, I am not forcing you to be here, and no we aren't working yet...but every time I see my kids, it gives me the strength to keep trying, even though I lose feelings every day. Especially seeing how sad the older daughter is at losing the dog, I'm still trying for them. I said the reason this isn't working is because there is still only one of us trying and then I validated - I said I understand why you can't try right now, I understand its hard and you're tired. I also threw something in there about the kids - I said I now also understand how hard it is to be basically a single parent for long stretches of time, you were very good at it, but it is tiring. I closed by saying I haven't given 100% yet and those kids (as I pointed to their bedrooms) deserve better so I'm still trying.

W is obviously upset about the dog and exhausted which is what is baffling me. Body language said I'm exhausted, but she took her computer to the basement anyways. I took a sleeping pill, which I'm waiting to kick in.