My Story...possible "grass is greener" scenario?

[Gardener]

[quote=sandi2] DON'T YOU DARE!!!

I didnt/wont. Instead of a text, I was going to send an email...even had some funny dentist jokes in it that I thought would make her feel better.

But I wont send that either.

But I do realize that I am too dependent on her...mainly because when she left she took everything but D3 that pretty much held me together.While there is a measure of co-dependency here, what is a good R, a good mate if not:..my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my family?...and without those I have become a mess.

I've read that its unhealthy to let someone have that much power over ones life and its certainly true here.

I can call family and talk...though really only my parents and given how far away they live it really worries/stresses them out when I call and am upset and theres nothing they can do...so I feel guilty calling them all the time. Guilt is appropriate bad feelings over having done something wrong. Shame - toxic shame - is inappropriate bad feelings about yourself when you've done nothing wrong. Big difference. Read/look into it.

I think the next book I'll read is the one on self-confidence/self esteem. Maybe if I can get that up a little I will be able to make some friends around here. There goes that "poor me" again. You have made friends here. Your friends get frustrated when you don't follow their advice but they wouldn't be giving advice if they weren't friends and didn't care.
I think I said before though...I have so much trouble trusting people because I'm always afraid they'll hurt me.. You've got it backwards as a result. Trust them. Trust them until they hurt you. Then drop them if/when they do. And move on. Want to save some money on self-esteem books? Practice expecting the very best from people while you give them your very best.. They'll sense it. You'll find it..and what happened with my ex, after 7.5 years, doesnt help dispel that. It takes me a really long time to make a friend but when I do it's because I consider them to be golden. Work on being considered golden instead of expecting golden. Friendship and trusting is giving. With no thought of getting. I forget: Are you in IC. If not, do so.
Here's an old story that kind of illustrates some of the above.: A women recommends her pharmacist to her crabby, negative friend. She goes to him. After a few months she complains to the friend that made the recommendation that she doesn't like the pharmacist, he's rude, unprofessional, always forgets her name and makes her wait all the time. She asks her friend to complain to him for her. After a while the woman comes back and says,"What did you say to him? Ever since then he's been an absolute joy! You must've really given him a piece of your mind." "On the contrary," says the friend. "I told him that you were so pleased with him. That you thought he was the most professional, courteous, and caring pharmacist you've ever met. He was so flattered!"
Look for the negative and you'll find it. You'll cause it. Look for, affirm the positive and you'll find it, you'll cause it, you'll manifest it."

Long-winded, as always.