He said he is done!!

[blownaway65]

Hi Lost, I'm another one in the same sitch as you.

My heart goes out to you and your kids.

I'm at the stage where I'm seriously not thinking about, but really FEELING that I should be doing what robx is saying. Not as a last ditch attempt to get W to see sense, but because that's the way I actually feel.

I'm not sure that I could take W back if she wanted it, and I'm starting to enjoy life without her - it's a really hard thing to say that you're giving up 23 years with someone but I'm not sure I can do it anymore.

Not sure if you've met up with Cutterbug yet but when you do, take a look at his signature. My W, for 6 months has been indifferent.

Even though we are all in much the same boat, each of us will play out our own sitch's differently.

If you want to give up and move on with your life, then that's fine. If you feel it's worth putting yourself through this then that's fine too.

Remember it's not about H, it's about you and the kids.

Take care.

[robx]

leave the contact just about the kids and don't fall back to your old ways of chasing, for this to actually work, it will take time but after a while, the WAS will notice something, that the LBS (you) is not chasing anymore and that's when things will change.

And here's the catch, even if they don't turn around and move in your direction, you've found out what you needed to know, time to move on with your life.

But don't wait till then to move on with your life, move on today, right now, this technique is only effective if you make it real or fake it with an oscar award winning performance and if they do turn around and show interest, continue moving away, don't become available as soon as they come back, make them earn it, tell them you're not certain about them anymore, not willing to risk the effort anymore, etc.

[lostnotgone]

blownaway65,
I am not sure I could take H back either. My father has even offered to pay for the D - not taking his money for this (or anything else). Not going to make this easy on my H. I know I should not be listening to others about making a decision - that I need to make this decision for myself. It is just to raw to be signing any kinds of D papers.

robx,
thanks for the advise - I wish I could go DARK and not have any contact - even contact in regards to the kids is SO HARD - I am still so angry and I know it is heard in my voice. The sad thing is I think I have talked with H more now that he has moved out then I talked with him when he was living at home! How SAD is that!! He would come home at night and immediately go outside and stay there all night !! get up in the morning - go to work and do it all over again. Except now I know why he was going out for hours on Saturday and Sunday mornings (fishing with the guys - yeah right)!!! If he put as much effort into the kids and me that he put into seeing HER I honestly think we would not be here today - of course he disagrees!

[lostnotgone]

just received an email from H with a list of items he wants from the house - also found out he asked our D13 to HELP him move!!

Does he think this is a happy occasion for them ?

[lostnotgone]

God give me the strength to get through this weekend. H is coming tomorrow to get his things from the house and move into his "own" house.

He came and took my D13 out to dinner lastnight and I was home when he dropped her off. I am trying not to show my angry - it is SO HARD. I can not even look at him. I told him that D13 and D16 was not going to help him move out - of course I then got the response that I was trying to keep them away from him. I am not doing this - I just do not feel that helping him move is healthy for them. S19 is old enough to make his own decisions.

I HATE that he is really moving out! But I need to go dark and maybe this will help. My head and my heart are not talkinig the same language. Heart keeps telling me to take every step I can to save our M - my head is telling me it is over.

[Cadet]

I need to go dark

YES to protect yourself!

Heart keeps telling me to take every step I can to save our M

Another reason to do dark. It is the right step to SAVE your marriage.

my head is telling me it is over.

Listen to your heart and go DARK. Your head should realize it is the right thing to do!

[motherof3]

(((lost)))

I know the pain you are going through. It was painful for me to watch H pack up his things and move out. I can't even begin to explain the emotions that I felt at that time. I am sure that you know.

It gets easier with time. I know that this is not a big comfort to you. But it does get better.

The best think you can do right now is let him go. This is the best thing to do for H and your marriage and most of all for you. This will give you the space that you need to work on you.

(((Lost)))

[lostnotgone]

Sleepless night - and the sleep I did get was not good.

I already packed his things from our (well mine now)last week. I could not even go into the closet without a breakdown. I am debating on if I even want to be here when he his getting his things.

I think this day is going to be harder then the day I found out about the OW. I am trying to look forward to the Superbowl tonight with my friends..

[lea74]

(((())))

I really do feel your pain. My H and I have been together for 21 years and it seems so surreal that he is now gone. You will have good days and bad ones and someone you will get through the bad ones.

I am not the best one to give advise at the moment, just know that you are not alone.

I think the only advise I can give is go dark, easier said than done and really really try to get a life.

Oh and the big one - dont react. When H says that you are trying to keep the kids away from hime, just reply no I am not - you have made the decision to live without them and I am making decisions that are best for me and the kids.

[lea74]

Lost, I am sorry but I have to agree - there is always another person. Not neccessarily physically but emotionally.

I honestly didnt think my H could have someone else and defended him against everyone. I was wrong - on every occassion that my H has had my kids, guess who just happened to come round his 'friend'. He also took my boys on a short vacation for the first time and guess who not only happened to be in the area but also stayed the night - his 'friend'.

I know that this hurts but there is another person - but you know what it doesnt matter. Dont waste your precious time thinking about it - she is nothing.