Question

[awest1217]

I had a lot of fun yesterday and today...except little sleep and crazy dreams. S threw up on the way to the hotel, probably car sick. H had text me not too long after we left so I text him to say S had gotten sick. S was fine once we got out of the car and ate a ton so I said everything was good. It was a good service and I got to talk to a lot of friends. They all know about what is going on, but we aren't close enough to talk details. They mostly complimented me on how I look and how great S is, which is the best compliment of all because I know I am doing a good job as a mom. I didn't get any texts from H besides says have a good time right before he was done with work Friday.

S wouldn't go to sleep until 2 am this morning, and my nephew who I watched to help out my brother and sister-in-law got up a 7 am because he fell asleep right away. No sleep. Plus I didn't sleep well because I had a dream that H had a new OW and we were walking around a mall when I saw them together. I was mad and he just was indifferent so I said we were done. His new OW asked if I would just not bring up custody of S because H didn't want him. I then saw MIL at the same mall and told her everything. I then woke up to my nephew saying "dadada" It was cute, but little sleep.

I once again just feel done. I don't feel anything at all for H. When I text, "i love you", I mean it, but I don't really feel it. After the two services this weekend and observing many people I have grown up with, I know what i want, and I don't think H will ever be that. He was at one point, but now he is a totally new person that honestly I don't like. I just feel like we are over, not necessarily because of him, but because I don't feel anything at all. Probably once again part of a cycle, but I don't feel bad about it. I had a great time this weekend and feel very complete and happy. Strange.

Finally tonight around 8 H texts me. He said have a good service and I love you both so much. I text him back saying "huh? we got back at 4 then went to my parents to visit with my sister and her family" He said he was embarrassed for not knowing that because he thought we were gone for two nights and then my parents tomorrow. Probably the mistrust thinking, but I felt like he was upset we were home and like this was messing up his plans. He has gone on this trip with our youth for 7 years and for him to not remember it is Friday night and Saturday morning is extremely suspicious and weird. He said he would text me tomorrow and asked if we had church? I wanted to respond DUH of course we do, but I just sent nothing. I will wait and see if he does call, but I figuring he won't. I want to go to the mall after church anyway because Children's Place has a few things I want to get S.

I haven't talked to H about the cell bill or therapy, but at some point I need to work that into the conversation. I really don't care what he is doing. No concerns here, which for once is weird. I am happy with my life and honestly would rather he stay out of it because with him in it makes this more complicated and I feel put down constantly....much to think about.