Changing Man

[Gardener]

Gardener actually requesting emergency 2x4s!!
I know the answer - I really do - I just need to hear it from others to really convince me I'm pondering being an ass!

It began this evening after reading flowmom's new thread: "Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear.":

I'd love to hear what others thought about the NYT article "Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear" http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html. Does it seem like DBing in action to you? The author has a book coming out this spring, so the article is a bit of a teaser. Apologies if this has already been discussed here.

I responded to flowmom:

Flow, I was very impressed. Some of it DB (counterintuitive), some of it not (intuitive).
Interestingly, she didn't overreact, she didn't even react. She rolled with it. With understanding, insight, patience and love. Despite the gender differences, if it wasn't 3 days before my D, I'd send it to Mrs. G.Thanks for sharing it

And then. And then, Sentimental, Romantic til-the-bitter-end Gardener wound up writing this email: Fortunately, like always, I addressed it to myself in case I mistakenly or compulsively hit "send":

Mrs. G.,
I'll probably regret sending this. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html
A friend just sent it to me.

Some of it is germane. Most of it is not. The genders are reversed and the issues are somewhat similar to ours while also not the least bit similar at all (what exactly were our real insurmountable issues, anyway?)

If it hadn't been for the totally unexpected and unanticipated shattering blow of the Bomb on 11/09/08, the all-consuming Depression, the ensuing pain, panic and knee-jerk tendency to initially blame myself for everything, combined with the egg-shell-walking timidity and fear of pushing you even further away, I would have reacted and done so much differently.

I did - and tried - the very best I could at the time and under the never-in-a-million-years imagined situation. It just didn't work. As (IC) said to me once, "It didn't work. It was never going to." You were already long gone while all along I was thinking you were still right there. I hope (MC) was a better IC for you during those many weeks you saw him alone than he was as an MC.
Just sharing an interesting article with you. No agenda. It's too late for agendas. There are no agendas left, anyway. Besides, I don't know who you are.
You have needlessly destroyed everything.
I'll see you Tuesday morning.
Gardener

I won't send it. But I can't even believe I thought writing it might do some good at this late date. Sometimes the Lord giveth Detachment; sometimes He takes it away.
Thanks in advance for smacking me around.