I really wish I could figure out what triggers my negative thoughts so that I could avoide them and stop thinking about what I cant control/change. These cycles of anger and sadness are for the birds.
They're so intense...like a fight or flight response...and they seem to be more focused on the adulterers than myself. Of course up until I found out about the EA I was heavy into self-blame. I still know I played a part in all this...but it wasnt all my fault.
I got to say goodnite to D3...but only because of my ex's dad's g/f calling. I havent contacted my ex and she hasnt contacted me.
Now that I think about it...that was one of the last things I was thinking about before the most recent anger/sadness cycle began. So I guess what may have set me off was not hearing from her...over someone else....cause you know he's been in contact with her.
She wants us to get along and be friends...but it seems a little one sided. I think her condition of friends is a lot like her condition of "mom": "when its convenient for me".
