And so another week had passed on the Double K ranch much like the week before. Kara and Mr. Kara co-habited in a peaceful manner. Kara had kept away from the hot stove and put away her gasolene and matches. She was all sweetness and light - o.k. she was upbeat and polite but she could be sweetness and light if she wanted to.
What was happening in Kara's world? Well,as previously reported last weekend was the first bombaversary. Kara had experienced some degree of sadness as she recalled the explosion of the prior year. Her world had been rocked and not in a good way . She was the major casualty in that incident, Mr. Kara seemingly having only sustained superficial injuries. Seemingly. After a good little cry, Kara was able to shake it off before it became full fledged despair. There oughta be an App for that.
Kara continued to live life and keep her foot on the pedal. Speaking of which, as she was cruising down the highway one afternoon, a cutish guy in the next lane kept staring at her, shaking and winking. She ignored him as long as possible until in the inevitable traffic jam, their cars idled side by side. As she glanced in his direction, he gave her a winsome smile showing all three of his front teeth!! Yeah, baby!
Since we last visited the DKR, Kara had joined the gym. Maybe that was why she couldn't find the energy to post. Her arms were hurting too much. Getting toned but hurting. She should have guessed there was a problem when it hurt to brush her hair. Which factory do they manufacture personal trainers in and can we close it down?
During the week, the Karas went to a party together. It had been months since they had been anywhere together and it felt strange to hear Mr. Kara introduce people to "his wife Kara".
Apart from that it was the same old same old. Or rather the same new same new. Kara was keeping her foot on the pedal and full steam ahead to life.
Oh yes, Mr. Kara. He seemed to spend the majority of his time at the ranch. He was at times talkative, at times monosyllabic. At times friendly, at times withdrawn. Kara watched from afar careful not to become entangled and forfeit her hard fought for state of mind. She continued to strut. She wasn't setting out to show Mr. Kara anything but she couldn't help it if she was a good catch that any man should be happy to have. Could she?
Lest we conclude that Kara was a shallow piece of fluff,preocuppied with shoes, massages and mani/pedis, please understand that she had empathy for Mr. Kara. She understood his unspoken pain and unmet needs. She understood hers. She had also shone a spotlight on her shortcomings and asked the Lord's forgiveness for her part in messing up her M. She now felt had that she learnt what a real M should look like. She had walked her path and Mr. Kara had to walk his. She couldn't walk it for him just as he couldn't walk hers for her. What did the future hold for them? She didn't know. She left the door slightly ajar in case he wanted to start putting his foot in. But she didn't stand up watching the door.
Oh no, there were places to go and people to see. She had spent an entire year in one place waiting on Mr. Kara. Now her foot was on the pedal and she was moving full steam ahead.
Yay for the update! Sounds good, even with the bombaversary last weekend.
For the record, I don't think you're shallow at all. GAL takes many shapes, both internal and external. And I am a firm believer that when you look your best you feel your best--thus PMA.
Keep moving full steam ahead!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I'm with Pearl on that .... absolutely part of GAL!
So, you don't sound as "done, finito, finished" as you did awhile ago.....that door sounds a bit more ajar ? Am I misreading that? But, you seem to have found a way to do that while being truly detached in a healthy way for you. You are inspiring!
An app for shaking off despair? I think that's the one w/the drink recipes on it.
LMAO on the three front teeth!! My H owns a trucking company, and I always remind him that he can't let his drivers know where we live... He always jokes, "What? You don't like visitors w/three teeth amongst them?"
Also, I absolutely hate to exercise. It's highly overrated. I have never gotten a runners high. I have never "enjoyed the burn." I have never had a HOT trainer! Nothin' but pure complaints! Lucily, until this past year, I was just naturally "presentable". Why go beyond, if you don't have to sweat? LoL
Speaking of mani's/pedi's, shoes, massages, etc... I'm having a non-surgical face lift on Tuesday!!!
Miss ya friend!!! Come on to the alt! Pearl and I have our shoe gallery up. Oh, and, yea... well, Cutter thought he could compete, and put up his "Who needs shoes when you can have speakers?" gallery. Guys! They're so gay! Well, maybe not Cutter, he's pretty cool, even though he's a speaker head.
Good job on the PMA, dealing w/the Double K borders, etc...
HUGS
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Thanks for the kind comments. I get lots of inspiration from people on these Boards so if in turn inspire someone else or help get them through a moment, I am just paying back a favor. Like most people here I fell but I got back up because you can't keep a good woman(or man) down.
Hi Wired, first time speaking with you. Welcome to my house:)
RW, you asked a good question and you may regret asking it cause this may be a long answer!! Is the door a little more ajar for Mr. Kara? Maybe a smidgen... It was never shut so tightly that it could never be re-opened. When I wrote done finito finished I was operating out of pure emotion and was absolutely disgusted with the state of things. My dear BIL pleaded with me not to do anything out of pure emotion because emotions change and shift in the wind.
I'd describe myself as a praying woman who listens closely to whatever God tells me. He finds ways to speak to each of us and he tells us to do different things. I can only do Kara. I can't do any other person on the Board. Let us just say that I have given Jesus the wheel and I am not worrying about the navigation because it is in good hands. Maybe that is where the "detachment" comes from for me...letting go and letting God.
I know all the other approaches , the tough love, the NC, the whatever. I tried them all last year and sometimes at the same time!!I just ended up a nervous wreck and a shadow of myself. Constantly tentative. Always second guessing myself and every little nuance of conversation/interaction with Mr.Kara. No way to live and clearly I was doing someting wrong!!!
I have found a way to acknowledge that I would still like my M to work but that I won't be broken if it doesn't. God always has a bigger dream for us than we do for ourselves and I know I will have the loving M that I want with whoever God blesses me with. Maybe its Mr. Kara...
Why can I empathize with Mr. K? Because I have done the real self examination and really realized that I was playing at some aspects of M. There were unmet needs on both sides. I now see his pain that I was oblivious to before. Mr. Kara is neither an angel or a demon. He is human. And he has been slowly and tentatively extending his hand to me. I am not pursuing him. I am not pressuring him. I will not go there again. This has to be his effort. I am enjoying my truly blessed life and I am not sitting around staring at him to see what he is doing.
Would I give it another go with Mr. Kara? Absolutely. There would be lots of work required on both sides. So much residual pain and anger to be dealt with.Sometimes the scale of it seems enormous. I know what I will and will not settle for. I know I would give it my all and I would expect his all. But I no longer jump ahead of myself so I will look at that bridge if we have to cross it.
So, I would give it another go but I don't have the desperation that I once felt about it. It will not undo me if it doesn't happen. I have removed all the fire and gasolene because then I can say to myself that I took care of my part of the problem and gave it my best shot. Angels can do no more.
RW, I could have answered yes or no but I had to give the long answer
