Agree with your wife. "The divorce is the best thing" "You're right, you'll never love me" "You're right, I was the worst husband, you'll never be able to trust me" "This is actually a good thing for you and me"
She pursues other men, you want proof, she flew out of town to get naked with one. She wants to pursue the OM. She wants what she can't have, she'll continue pursuing him/contacting him even if he attempts to reconcile with his wife and if that doesn't work out, while you're pursuing your wife, she'll pursue another man.
That's reality.
She doesn't want what she can have easily (you). She wants excitement. She wants a masculine man (not you) who doesn't get excited, feel threatened by her and who allows her to chase & pursue him (not you).
Create some distance.
Move in the opposite direction.
Agree with her feelings even if you really don't, just do it because in reality you can fight against her feelings, she's in love with her feelings and guided by them and even though she may be making mistakes you won't be able to convince her otherwise so you can lay any plans to rest that include writing letters, emails, texts, etc.
Stop pursuing, create distance between the 2 of you, move in the opposite direction, reject her a bit, enjoy your life, enjoy social interaction with other women and.... allow your wife to pursue you.
You won't allow that though.
You're in love with your feelings and even though I'm telling you to listen to reality instead of your feelings, you want to listen to your feelings instead but you get all excited and angry because your wife is listening to her feelings instead of you.
Nice.
They call that a double standard I think.
Your wife can't pursue you because you never allow yourself to play hard to get, you never allow yourself to be chased.
And you all want the 30 second quick fix.
Sorry, that's not reality and you're smarter than that, but.... you want to listen to your feelings but you want to convince your wife that her feelings are wrong.
You want results, you want things to start moving in the opposite direction?
Observe reality, do what works, otherwise continue to post umpteen million pages on your thread and change your username and continue doing what doesn't work but continue to tell us how frustrated you are that "everything" you've tried hasn't worked at all.
And all the other users quoting manipulation and controlling by doing things that work, well I'll fill you in on something, telling your WAS's that you want them to stay married to you and that them having affairs is wrong and they should be faithful to you and remember their marital commitment and everything that goes with trying to convince them that what they're doing is wrong is technically controlling behavior on your parts, you want to control what your spouse does and preach the "right" thing to do.
I offer you what works, reality, observe & follow reality, and stop listening and doing what you "feel" you should do.
Ok man.......Today, I'm back on the program. She wants me to use a wuss collaborative lawyer. I think when the time comes, I will call out the bulldog.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
