Man, I'm sorry. I know it hurts. And just because your self esteem is low right now doesn't mean it's gonna stay that way! Know this...what she's done has absolutely NOTHING to do with you! It has everything to do with her! Drop it like a hot rock! Don't take on anything that you're not responsible for...and you are NOT responsible for what she's doing with this guy! Stop giving your energy away by snooping and such.
You've given us tons of good advice here man...so, follow your own advice! We can't give you any better advice than you've given us...it's THAT good! You know what to do here man. And you know the right attitude to have...so do it! We are here for ya'...to vent, for support, whatever. You are a wealth of good advice for many of us here...so I know you have the 'know-how' to handle this.
I am on your side 100%.
As for your self-esteem...it's there, you just gotta get in touch with it. You were born with all the inherent value you'll ever have...and it's abundant! And NOTHING your wife, or anybody else says or does or doesn't do can affect that! It's everything that is good and strong about you...it's there...always! You just gotta stay in tough with it! If you're feeling low, it's because you're out of touch with it...but it's there. A suggestion...read up on core value. There's a whole chapter on it in the great book Love Without Hurt by Steven Stosny. This book will definately help you.
Stay strong, and honor yourself.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
