I thought being "helpful" in this forum was sharing our honest thoughts, providing the thread author with various opinions/impressions from which he/she could do some thinking about what to do next.
In your other thread, you continually vascillate from a man who wants to accept and love his wife unconditionally, working on himself to improve the areas where he fell short...to a manipulative man who does things just to provoke a response from his wife.
I've been around here since '06 or so, and for the most part the commonly accepted advice given to new people here, regardless of the state of their crisis, is to do things FOR YOU and BECAUSE YOU AGREE you need to.
I don't buy into manipulation as method that will produce lasting positive results. I think your wife indicated to you on various occasions that she suspected you of manipulating the situation, in fact indicated that she felt it in your nature to do so.
I give you credit for acknowledging at some point that you had a rather significant role to play in your marital mess. Your wife told you that you, in effect, had an affair of your own throughout the marriage with your full bore approach to anything that was not family related.
Those who point their fingers at your wife and lable her with such ugliness because of her turning to another, don't seem nearly as quick to point a finger at you. In fact, at no point in your other thread have I read of anyone referring you back to the man that YOU had become during your marriage.
Affairs don't just happen because someone decides out of the clear blue sky to go do another person. Your wife choosing to involve herself with another is completely wrong, make no mistake about it. REgardless of the state of your marriage, committed people do not turn to others and violate their vows.
But can you say that you kept your vows completely?
Did you honor and cherish her? Did you forsake all others (including things) to make her the center of your attention? Did you labor beside her in your family, or was your role only that of financial provider?
I'm not intending to beat you up.
But it appears from your other thread that you had plenty of people telling you how wrong she was and how hardcore you needed to be with her.
Who ever told you how wrong you were? Who got hardcore with you?
If you want her to want you back, you have to give her something to want to come back to. And it's safe to say that she had no interest in coming back to the husband that you had become.
These are just my thoughts.
If you would rather that I not share them with you, I will stop.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
