Divorce seems eminent. What do I do now?

[pigskin]

Ripping into the OM made you feel great, I'm sure, but I doubt it will have the effect you want. Put yourself in his place (as hard as that is) and think about how you would react. You would probably think "this guy is a psycho, no wonder she wants me".

I met with the OM in my sitch just to give him a chance to redeem himself and give him the benefit of the doubt that he just made a horrible mistake. I was completely cordial and did not rip into him. It had zero effect, which I expected, but it did allow me to judge his future actions and him as being a complete snake and predator for continuing them. I'm sure he was surprised with the way I handled the meeting.

Smashing the cell phone while she watched can't possibly endear you to your wife. I'm sure that only shocked and scared her, which is not the way you want her to feel about you.

Establish boundaries that she must adhere to or you will create consequences. No contact with the OM, purging all of his contact info, any gifts, etc. Of course this is only if she is interested in reconciling and staying in the home with you. If she doesn't adhere to your boundaries, you should tell her she should leave.