I found out D3 isnt going to be comeing back tonight because of the weather.
At first I was ok with it...and I'm still ok with her staying over there to keep her safe...but I'm sitting in an empty house with no one to talk to and I'm snowed in too.
It feels like a prison...like I'm in solitary confinement.
And of course the first thing that came to mind was how they're all over there trapped together having a fun family time while I'm here with no one.
And then the thoughts came that if none of this had happened D3, my ex, and I would be here and we would be having that family time.
I tried stopping those thoughts...they just came while I was reading one of the books...but it didnt work and I ended up breaking down. And I still feel depressed and lonely.
I havent spoken to my ex in two days and I want to message or call her so bad...to see how she is and to hear her voice...in the hopes that if we talk maybe I wont feel so lonely.
Again...it just feels like solitary confinement...and its very damaging/straining on my psyche.
For anyone who's still reading...do I really have anything left to lose by sending her a simple message of "Hi" and waiting to see if she responds?
Or will going almost 3 days(by tomorrow) without talking to her go a long way in making me stronger and helping me to ward off the co-dependency? Better yet...is it likely to create any sort of positive vibe in my sitch?
