Where in the world did that come from !!!

[blownaway65]

And again thanks wholeagain, I caught up with Serenity on the Alt, she is an amazing woman.

Things are a lot clearer now.

[sandi2]

Unreasonable? You lost your W and now you feel like you are losing your D17, so it's natural. Your emotions get tangled up with hers and round & round you'll go. Don't let it cause you to feel threatened when she spends time with her mother. All girls needs time with their mom, but nobody will replace her daddy. You were the first man she ever loved and that place will always be reserved with your name on it.

[flowmom]

BA: congratulations on quitting smoking...what a great way to GAL!

That doessn't sound like a great interaction with your D17. Teenagers are tough, I know. Just remember that as the parent, it's your job to repair the attachment. Make any apologies that you need to make, and make a sincere effort to hear her side of the story. Encourage her spending time with her mother while continuing to be there as a father.

take care.

[Wholeagain]

I'm glad things are clearer for you.

Keep posting, sometimes letting things out here prevents blow-ups in real life.

[blownaway65]

So D17 and I have had a really good talk. I sincerely apologized and she knows I really meant it.

She said that she felt I did let her down and it will take her a while to get back to where we were and I'm totally there with that.

She spent the evening with W and I could tell she enjoyed it, and it doesn't bother me. It was good to see her happy!

[chatterbug]

[blownaway65]

You guys, this is sooo hard for me.

I so love Ange (W), and have for close to 25 years, BUT as Cutter says, "the opposite to love is indifference". Each and every day since Ange left, there has been indifference, no positive no negative, just "I'm past it".

Sara (D17) says Ange is so happy with her "new" family, loves his kids as if they were her own, has started a garden. All of the "normal" stuff. She's told the kids about the OM, as well as her mum.

The kids just want mum to be happy. Hell that's what I want too. Yeah for a long time I held out hope that she could get there again with me, and I tried to do my best to DB and improve myself to see if we could get there again too. Don't get me wrong, I have improved myself no end, and I'm glad for the fact that I'm a way better person, mostly thanks to all you guys here on the boards and that I wanted to do this for me.

I know there are lots of you who've been on this crap path for a lot longer than I have, and I really feel that I'm letting you down big time, but I honestly think that Ange has really moved on and that there is no chance of us reconciling, or even starting a new R together.

I have no idea what will happen to the house, the kids will stay with me from necessity, but thankfully they are happy to be here too. I guess I'll try to finance buying Ange out when the time comes, because there is too much of me in it to lose.

So that brings me to my OW. The coffee girl. We've been out a few times and really hit it off. I know it's the chemicals talking, but she is terrific and it so feels good to wake up next to someone you genuinely like and respect in the morning.

I don't know if I'm lucky or unlucky, and I will always have regrets about "should I hold out longer", "will Ange change her mind", all that stuff...

Bottom line is my kids are happy enough with Ange's situation and my situation. Ange is happy with hers and to be honest I'm happy with mine.

I've wanted to write this for nearly a week and it's been so hard not to.

I genuinely feel that this is the end of this chapter of my life and that I'm ready for the next one, without Ange (and yet I'm still crying writing this).

Please don't condemn either of us for our choices, at the end of the day we both just want to be happy.

So I guess that's probably it for me on the boards. You all know I'm on the Alt way too much, but please drop in for a chat, I'll try and do what little I can to help anyone who cares to chat.

Special thanks to Sandi & Serenity, you kept up my spirits for so long, I really do appreciate it more than you could imagine, but for you I may not have been here to write this.

No actually, that's not it for the boards, I'll hang around and keep up to date as best I can, because even though I won't get the result I want I can say I've been there, done that.

Maybe I can help someone and repay in a small way what you guys have done for me.

((( Everyone )))

Rod

[Wholeagain]

I'm glad your kids are re-connecting with your W.

Can you go out on dates with other women?

((()))

[blownaway65]

Thanks WA, It makes me so happy and relieved that what W (and me to a degree) have done with our lives doesn't seem to be hurting them so much anymore.

I know they, no all of us, will carry scars and baggage around for a long time, but we will all survive, and we love each other and that's the main thing.

I'm so proud of them.

[flowmom]

BA, it sounds like you are finding some peace and from where I'm standing that seems like a good thing. I think that what we all want from DBing is to not be the one to close a door that we want to leave open (reconciliation). But when reconciliation stops being something we want, and we can make that decision with peace in our hearts, it makes sense to end the DBing chapter of our lives.

Keep up the smoking cessation!