Told W I wanted to see the kids, so went over there for dinner last night. She ran an errand while I played Wii with them. I guess we're both slipping into "spend time with the kids, not each other" mode.
She wants to get together sometime soon, and compare our proposed plans for everything - kids, assets, support. We need to do it. I guess I'm experiencing some hesitation.
I asked her, so where are you now with delaying vs. closing ASAP, and she said she's tending towards ASAP. Told her I'm asking just because I don't know what to expect day to day, and she acknowledged that.
Went and did an open mic with some friends last night, then went out to see another friend playing at a local place. Had a good time.
We're preparing for our yearly review process at work, and it's clear that while they're giving me some grace for the loss of focus over the last 6 months, there's an expectation to get back on track. Asked my manager if he perceives any current issues, and he said no - so that's good, I think my focus has returned. So back to work focus for 2010. Right now it would be easy to feel like a failure across all the aspects of my life, but there are ups and downs' aren't there... Still have a future to invest in, even if it's not the planned one. I guess all those emotional objections that come up (but I don't WANT to divide up finances! I don't WANT to spend less time with the boys! I don't WANT to give up my home) are giving way to, this is how it is, what to do next? Acceptance. Hopefully I'm in a healthier place now. I guess there's a part of me that on some level feels that giving up what "should" be is some sort of character flaw. Justifies carrying around the emotional weight, sort of like "can't you see that this is more important than anything else..." When in fact it seems like the character is the resilience, the ability to cope and to adjust. Maybe all that is obvious and I'm just rambling.
Anyway, the ways I'm spending my time seem to be increasingly less empty. I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do this weekend though.
