I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[pearlharbr]

Here's my crack at it:

I have given serious thought to our situation and this is what I have decided. It’s clear this divorce does need to move forward.

I understand that you have some complaints about my role in our marriage. However, your decision to involve a third person in our marriage is unacceptable. I will not continue to live in an open marriage.

There is no longer an open invitation for you to come home. Any further conversation regarding financial or legal matters should be directed to my attorney.

Now I know that it feels good to really tell him off, but an email filled with emotion shows him that you're still involved enough to get worked up. When you bring up the fact that you're still willing to work things out you show that you're still hanging around waiting for him. You're making yourself the fallback option.

I would first get everything squared away logistically. Talk to your L, figure out the bank accounts, etc. If you give H a head's up that you are changing the financial arrangements it gives him the opportunity to clean out accounts. Have you frozen the joint credit card(s)? Make sure your ducks in a row and then tell him you're done.

And I would stick to email. If you call you set yourself up for the possibility of him drawing you into a conversation you don't want to have.

Now I have to go clean my dirty house to get ready for the party!