Oh. Your comments about your husband not being a reader?
If you go to YOUTUBE. Michele has an army of videos on marriages and how to save them. She has a user id DivorceBusting. If you look up that user you can find those videos... your H may prefer watching them... they are quite motivating.
I would include urls but this site seems to block them for some silly reason.
I will be honest here. I really don't like going to family therapy. We have sought out a few, but they weren't well read on infidelity. They are also expensive.
For men in particular this is a trying ordeal.
1. We have to talk about what's happening on our home - we feel our privacy is violated 2. We have to talk about our feelings - enough said there 3. We have to pay a LOT of MONEY 4. We have to reveal intimate nature to a stranger.
This is hard for men. All four points here are something much easier for women to do than men.
I found it a LOT more inviting to watch videos (michelle has a GREAT one for sale as a DVD on her site which I bought. parts of which are on the youtube site). Its much like a church sermon without God being mentioned. A few hours of that and you will want to rebuild your marriage for sure.
Guerilla divorcebusting on michele's site here is excellent. I cry every time I watch it.. its about 40 mins long.
DOWNLOAD the videos she has here, particularly guerilla divorcebusting... if you can sit with your H to watch that I bet he will enjoy it...
I would bet a video of a world class FT like Michele is worth twelve hours of a so-so FT in person. I found all the motivation I needed to rebuild my home from the videos.
Thanks, H is still denying the A. I've known this man for so long, and I can tell that the guilt is eating him alive. One day he's ready to work on it and the next he's done again. I finally just told him that I can't help him anymore with his lost or confused feelings. And that he has to figure all that out on his own. He did tell me that he is worried that I won't wait for him. I told that I didn't know how long I was willing to wait, but that was my decision for myself. I just don’t know how I can get him to be honest with me about the A. I’ve told him that if he had an A, it wouldn’t change my mind about wanting to work on the M. I don’t know if he is afraid of my reaction or not.
There is so much evidence that points to a PA, but no concrete proof. What if he is telling the truth that there has been no physical (other then the kiss he admitted too, which he said was just on her forehead as a friend). Deep down, I don’t believe him; I do think there is a PA going on.
This may sound bad, but I give credit to the WAS’s whom are willing to come clean and admit their A.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Mb, I have to agree with OP here. A marriage is between to people not 3 and if you and your H are going to work on the M, she has got to be out of the picture. I would recommend giving him the time that is going to be needed to grieve the loss of the R with her no matter what it is EA/PA. Don't push too hard b/c you will push him back to her. I think OWH has a right to know, once you let him know, I think I would leave it alone for the time being. There will be a time for setting boundaries soon and you can read up on how to present those boundaries in a non-controlling way.
Something for you to work on is that you need to let go of getting him to admit to PA. This will come out later on when he is ready and your unconditional love for him will allow you to do this. It is hard and so many LBS struggle with this. We want some cathardic cleansing of the soul from the cheating spouse and it just doesn't work that way for most sitches.
You have him at the table willing to work on and talk about the M, do not push him away on a point that ultimately will not help heal the M. It will come with time, there will be things you guys can talk about and somethings that you will not be able to talk about right now. Focus on the things you can agree upon, start there.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
MB, I can tell you this. Last week after I caught my H again with the felon girl, he said the guilt was too much to take, it was eating him alive. He was ready to tell me everything from the beginning, probably wouldn't change anything.....
My point being...I promise that the guilt is killing him. Follow your instincts, mine were dead on.
