Seen H for a few minutes tonight to exchange kids. I made sure I looked really good. He was really late, so I suspect he seen OW before he came over. However, I didn't ask anything, just acted like I was in a hurry to go out. When I know he has either talked to her or has seen, he acts so depressed when he see's me. I know it's his guilt showing, but I didn't not let it show at all.
I honestly believe that she is pushing him. Which is pushing him right back to me (-: There phone conversations have gone from 20+ min to only 2-5 min long. These are her calling him, so my H is defiently getting off the phone with her.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Thanks, H is still denying the A. I've known this man for so long, and I can tell that the guilt is eating him alive. One day he's ready to work on it and the next he's done again. I finally just told him that I can't help him anymore with his lost or confused feelings. And that he has to figure all that out on his own. He did tell me that he is worried that I won't wait for him. I told that I didn't know how long I was willing to wait, but that was my decision for myself. I just don’t know how I can get him to be honest with me about the A. I’ve told him that if he had an A, it wouldn’t change my mind about wanting to work on the M. I don’t know if he is afraid of my reaction or not.
There is so much evidence that points to a PA, but no concrete proof. What if he is telling the truth that there has been no physical (other then the kiss he admitted too, which he said was just on her forehead as a friend). Deep down, I don’t believe him; I do think there is a PA going on.
This may sound bad, but I give credit to the WAS’s whom are willing to come clean and admit their A.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
There is so much evidence that points to a PA, but no concrete proof. What if he is telling the truth that there has been no physical (other then the kiss he admitted too, which he said was just on her forehead as a friend). Deep down, I don’t believe him; I do think there is a PA going on.
What difference does it make, MB? Physical or emotional? It's still an affair, and he's still giving his attention, affections, and levels of intimacy to another woman that should be reserved for his wife.
And then he's LYING to you about it.
"Just an EA" is something us dumb-ass guys say . . . not you smart, intuitive ladies! C'mon . . .
Puppy, Thanks, you are so right. It's so hard to make myself the better option as DR say's to do, when all this is going on. I know that is supposed to be more for myself then for him. However, it's so hard to do.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Can I ask you how long it has been since your W had her A? And how have you dealt with all the different emotions that come along with the A; jealousy, trust, low self-esteem, and that feeling for the need to snoop?
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
My wife had her affair from May-Aug, 2007. None of those feelings your describe COMPLETELY go away, but they do ebb with time, and with good counseling. We're still in MC, and trying to make sure they are addressed, and that's very important.
I'm feeling really down tonight. I've been so focused on trying to get my M back; I have not been taking care of myself. There has been no real GAL for me, it's mostly just been pretending. I'm really mad at the way I have been pursing my H, and feel like a fool. Last week, he wanted to start texting nice things to each other a few times a day. And we did it, but today nothing from him, which just brought me down. I hate that he can have this affect on me. Sometimes I wish I was the WAS!!!!
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
(((mb))). I'm having trouble with GAL too. Don't be too hard on yourself. There's a time for GAL and there's a time for grief, and you need to grieve too. I think we protect ourselves from absorbing the full impact of the sitch by pretending to ourselves. That can be part of our strength, and with little ones depending on us we don't have the luxury of totally falling apart and then GAL with abandon. I think that for us it's more like little steps: a little grieving, a little GALing, etc. I'm in the middle of a wave of grief and I'm feeling really hopeless too. I'm trying to just stay with my feelings so that I can release them properly.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
