I'd be ranting too if my kids were being subject to their parent talking like that about me!!! From everything I've learned about divorce, talking and calling the other parent a bad person is one of the worst things you can do. In my case, I know my kids would be shocked; they would really think their dad is flaking out. My kids very much know what is going on, and I think that's b/c they're 10 and 16, a bit older than yours. I know even at 8 or 9, D was a bit naive and not knowing what was going on about OW. She's learned a lot in the past 2 years, sad kind of, but I guess part of divorce is learning about stuff like that.
I think your S mentioning it sounds like your XW called you a bad person, would be a great point to talk with your kids about this stuff. I like to ask questions, like in that case, I'd ask my kids well do you think I'm a bad person? Ask questions and clarify. Maybe say something like when people are upset or in a bad mood, they say things that they shouldn't. My D was telling me today one of her afterschool teachers was mad one of the children's moms had complained about them, and she told all the kids which child's mom had complained. I told D that she was upset and said something she shouldn't b/c of that. I tell her the girl (who's mom complained) might feel bad being singled out like that. Just talk about stuff.
Your XW is clearly troubled. She has to try to justify to herself and your boys some of the poor actions she's taken these past few years. If you're not a bad person, then what kind of person would she be to do all the stuff she's done, right? I do believe that talking isn't the crucial thing, but modeling the right behavior. Your kids will realize more and more as they get older. Have faith.... (((((((nc))))))))
